Category: Authenticity

Posted on by Andy Grant

Real Men Feel: Episode 58, Men and Fear

Real Men Fear

Men and Fear Episode 58, May 2, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel; Men having fear is very common. Men talking about their fear is not. In this episode Andy Grant and Appio Hunter dig into their own fears.

Andy shares his recent fearful state as well as many common fears for men; fear of being unlovable, fear of being a failure, fear of being inadequate, fear of being a bad man… All of which are based on distorted beliefs and imagining future scenarios that we do not want.

“Fear of feeling is at the root of so many of the fears men deny” ~Andy Grant

Andy, Appio and guests discuss a variety of fears including; financial Loss, excessive emotionality, commitment, absence of commitment, being a slave to an undesirable job, midlife crisis, raising children, visiting a doctor, and fear of death.

“Real men fear.”

Andy’s article that lead to this discussion.

#RealMenFeel

Like the show on Facebook facebook.com/realmenfeelshow

Subscribe to the Real Men Feel podcast in iTunes.

Join our private Facebook group: facebook.com/groups/realmenfeel/

Watch this episode on YouTube.

Enjoy Real Men Feel on Stitcher.

Listen to the podcast on Google Play.

Let us know what you thought here in the comments or shoot an email to realmenfeel@gmail.com

Fear

Posted on by Andy Grant

Real Men Feel: Episode 57, Breaking The Vow of Male Silence with Nige Atkinson

Real Men Feel

Breaking The Vow of Male Silence with Nige Atkinson Episode 57, April 25, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by Odd Man Out author, Nige Atkinson, to explore the vow of silence among men, the toll it takes, and how we might break that vow.

Nige shares his story of feeling uncomfortable in his own skin from a very young age including sexual abuse, anxiety, anger, rage and the male vow of silence that kept it all building and terrifying. He was taught that tears and emotions were signs of weakness. The vow of male silence is “man up, shut up, and put up” and it is killing men. There is power and healing in breaking the silence and sharing your fears.

“When you break the vow of male silence, you don’t do it just once. You have to break it again and again and again.” ~Nige Atkinson

Nige’s path includes everything from The Incredible Hulk to A Course in Miracles. His upcoming book, Odd Man Out: Breaking The Vow of Male Silence, is for men who want to know more about themselves—especially those men who are quietly struggling and suffering in silence—and for women who are struggling to understand their men.

“Real men cry.” ~Nige Atkinson

To prove that sentiment, Nige and Appio pile praise onto Andy towards the end of this episode and move him to tears.

See the first chapter of Odd Man Out: Breaking The Vow of Male Silence.

This is the Step Class Video of mine that Nige mentions.

#RealMenFeel

Connect with Nige on Facebook – facebook.com/breakthevow

Like the show on Facebook facebook.com/realmenfeelshow

Subscribe to the Real Men Feel podcast in iTunes.

Join our private Facebook group: facebook.com/groups/realmenfeel/

Watch this episode on YouTube.

Enjoy Real Men Feel on Stitcher.

Listen to the podcast on Google Play.

Let us know what you thought here in the comments or shoot an email to realmenfeel@gmail.com

Posted on by Andy Grant

Real Men Feel: Episode 54, Male Rites of Passage with Journeymen Founder, Nicky Wilks

Real Men Feel

Male Rites of Passage with Nicky Wilks, Episode 54, April 4, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by the founder of Journeymen.us, Nicky Wilks, to talk about the need for rituals, ceremonies and rites of passage for creating better men. Nicky shares his man story, and there is a great discussion around mentorship and initiation.

Journeymen’s vision is to regenerate modern society through the inspiration of young men, and Nicky is indeed inspiring while sharing some of his goals for Journeymen and The Quest they offer teenage boys. A popular theme in Real Men Feel is authenticity, and it is oozing out of Nicky and all that Journeymen is up to.

If you think building compassionate and inspired men through nature-based rites of passage, long-term mentoring, and community engagement is something that is sorely needed, you are going to love this show, Nicky, and Journeymen.

“Mentorship is 95% showing up authentically and 5% choosing to do it again the next time.” ~Nicky Wilks

#RealMenFeel

Connect with Nicky at Journeymen.us

Like the show on Facebook facebook.com/realmenfeelshow

Subscribe to the Real Men Feel podcast in iTunes.

Join our private Facebook group: facebook.com/groups/realmenfeel/

Watch this episode on YouTube.

Enjoy Real Men Feel on Stitcher.

Listen to the podcast on Google Play.

Let us know what you thought here in the comments or shoot an email to realmenfeel@gmail.com

Posted on by Andy Grant

Why Does Being Called ‘Gay’ Bother Me?


When I first started speaking and doing honest videos about my experiences with depression, molestation and suicide attempts seven years ago, being called “gay” was one of my biggest fears. Imagining my authentic and vulnerable sharing being met by derision and mockery kept me silent for too long. By the time I got such a comment it actually made me laugh.

stop being so gay!

Click to enlarge image.

My podcast, Real Men Feel, has now gotten it’s first “gay” comment. An important threshold has been crossed! I have yet to decide how or if to respond. I’m finding myself particularly triggered by this one. I think it coming from someone with my own name is making me want to fight back as opposed to laughing it off, or thanking him for being a scholar and a gentleman. What would you do? You can watch it here if you like. (Note: since this was first published he has gone back and deleted his comment and my reply asking him to be on the show.)

◊♦◊

Being called “gay” is the put-down that goes back the farthest and was the easiest to throw at anyone when I was a kid. Anyone or anything not seen as tough, macho or in proper alignment with being a man (which was never clearly defined), would be labeled as “gay”. In elementary school, I was in the school band, chorus, and plays, but by the time I was in high school I stopped doing all of that—even when I had a genuine interest in continuing. It was all over peer pressure and my fear of the judgment of others.

Begin called “gay” has never struck me as sexual. I never took it as though they are calling me a homosexual. It wasn’t like kids went around screaming, “You’re attracted to men!” at each other. The hurling of that term, “gay”, was saying I wasn’t a man. I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t right.

“That’s so gay.” “Don’t be gay.” “You’re so gay.” Anything being called “gay” was the ultimate dismissal of it. As a kid, there was no acceptable response. When I first began hearing “gay” as a put-down I don’t think I was even aware of what homosexuality meant. Maybe for a boy who knows he is gay today, a response of, “Yes. I am gay” might shut bullies up, or perhaps it makes the torment increase. When I was growing up, continuing to act in whatever way was being ridiculed only guaranteed more ridicule and mockery.

The same day that the Real Men Feel episode got the “…don’t be so fucking gay” comment, another viewer posted positive comments on three other videos. This reminds me of advice I received five years ago when one person kept posting negative comments on my videos about my experiences, and I took them all very personally. A friend asked me, “Why do you focus on the one negative comment as opposed to the dozens of positive ones?” I had no answer. That woke me up to the fact that any comment attacking me was outnumbered by dozens of comments thanking me.

Other people have pointed out that “gay” originally meant carefree, happy, joyous, and lighthearted. Some European friends say that is still the primary meaning there and that they didn’t realize this was somehow a put-down in the US. So over the course of the 20th century, American masculinity decided that being happy, joyous and lighthearted was not something a true man should have anything to do with.

◊♦◊

Recently I noticed someone shared a Real Men Feel show link on Facebook saying “for my sensitive male friends.” Sensitive is another word that makes me bristle a bit. I was often called sensitive growing up and it never seemed like it was a compliment. My own wife was told by a friend that I was sensitive before she met me, that always struck me as some sort of warning to her, but she failed to heed it.

Being called sensitive is right up there with the notion of “nice guys finish last.” I can’t remember where or when I first heard that but it was embedded in my mental programming at an early age it seems.

So what the hell is so wrong with being sensitive? Nothing. Yet, for whatever reason, that adjective is not one I like being used on me. And does my being bothered by being called gay mean I really do have some sort of internalized homophobia? That is more difficult to answer. I can see that possibility. I’m not homophobic to the point of treating others differently, but there is still some societal bullshit in me that wants to make sure nobody thinks I’m gay. I don’t know what I can do about that, but one thing I can do is dedicate an upcoming episode of Real Men Feel to this notion of internalized homophobia. I even replied to that other Andy Grant (#NotMyAndyGrant), inviting him on to the show.

Any change starts with awareness and open discussion. Perhaps in time, my new natural response to being called “sensitive” or “gay” will be a heartfelt, thank you.

—

Originally published at GoodMenProject.com. This resulted in the Real Men Feel show on March 7, 2017 being about internalized homophobia.

***

About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Akashic Records Reader and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities and Reiki, as well as other leadership programs and energy work modalities.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing, and is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups and is a contributor at the GoodMenProject. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel, and he is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be. Learn more about Andy at TheAndyGrant.com

Posted on by Appio Hunter

It’s Okay to be Human

It’s okay to have everything, but still want more.

It’s okay to spend years learning how to walk a spiritual path, but still display non-spiritual emotions when something knocks you off your path.

It’s okay to be enlightened, but still express strong opinions.

It’s okay to be calm, but still show anger.

It’s okay to be happy, but still feel sorrow.

It’s okay show courage, but still admit to being afraid.

It’s okay to love, but still feel hate.

Why?

It’s part of being human.

It’s what we signed up for.

This experience is what we wanted.

So, embrace the totality of who you are, even if you think you don’t know who you are yet… or even if you’re redefining what it means to be you.

It’s okay… because you’re here. Completely, fully here. Right now.

All of you.

Embrace your experience and love it.

Because it’s okay to be human.

About the Author

Appio Hunter, a.k.a. The Emotion Emancipator, is a personal development coach, energy worker, author, and inspirational speaker. He holds certifications as a Happiness Champion and Infinite Possibilities Trainer.

Appio is a self-described crusader for joy. His work blends multiple disciplines to show everyone how they can embrace their personal power and experience clarity, emotional freedom, balance, inner peace, and joy every day. He is also co-host of the weekly podcast Real Men Feel along with his good friend and fellow coach Andy Grant. You can learn more about Appio at AppioHunter.com.

Posted on by Andy Grant

Real Men Feel: Episode 49, Empowering The Family Unit with Kirsty and James Greenshields

Real Men Feel with The Greenshields

Empowering The Family Unit with Kirsty and James Greenshields, Episode 49, February 28, 2017

On this episode of Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by Kirsty and James Greenshields to explore how you can empower your own family to make a positive effect on your community and the world.

Since 2009, Kirsty and James, founders of Resilient Leaders Foundation, have been assisting others to uncover their leadership potential. Between them, they’ve touched the lives of 1000’s of humans directly, and countless others, indirectly. Their vision is: “To provide young people with the tools and resources they need to positively impact humanity and create a better planet.”

The Greenshields share their own journeys along with the importance of personal resiliency and emotional literacy in improving families, communities and the globe.

#RealMenFeel

Connect with Kirsty and James at CentreForResiliantLeadership.com, Twitter @LeaderSoulShip, @YOUHealthWealth, and Facebook ResilientLeadersFoundation

Learn more about the Young Warrior Project

Like the show on Facebook facebook.com/realmenfeelshow

Subscribe to the Real Men Feel podcast in iTunes.

Join our private Facebook group: facebook.com/groups/realmenfeel/

Watch this episode on YouTube.

Enjoy Real Men Feel on Stitcher.

Listen to the podcast on Google Play.

Let us know what you thought here in the comments or shoot an email to realmenfeel@gmail.com

Posted on by Andy Grant

Am I A Man?

Hi, I’m Andy and I’m a human male. That may be quite obvious when you see or hear me, but for a long time, I didn’t feel like a man. I questioned my manliness, my masculinity, and wondered why I never felt like a “real” man. I was sure if the true me was known that my mythical man card would be taken away.

I was an emotional child, a scared child who lived in dread of being picked on, pointed out, or even noticed. A hard look in my direction was often enough to bring on tears. I was anxious and on edge, which would eventually exhaust me into deep sadness and depression.

I was raised by a single mom, which made me feel like less of a man from the start. My mother always said I was such a good boy and somehow just knew what she wanted. I didn’t act out or get in trouble. This was in nursery and elementary school, my acting out came later.

I was afraid of being called on in school, not for getting an answer wrong, but for getting it right and being ostracized for being smart, or coming off as a teacher’s pet. I was afraid of being noticed on the playground. I was afraid of being made fun of at the bus stop. Without realizing it, fear ruled my life.

At the age of 20, while in a mental hospital, I remembered being molested by a neighbor when I was five years old. It was a bit of a relief to discover there was a reason for those years of not feeling safe. But it brought new worries and concerns: Since I was sexually abused by a man, was I gay? Since I was molested will I become a molester? Those fears and more played over and over in my head, but I never dared speak of them.

I thought real men were tough and stoic. So I pretended by being quiet, keeping to myself, and having few friends. I drank my way through high school and college—which seemed a very manly and accepted thing to do—but most nights, I ended up thinking my friends were just using me. I isolated myself in my room, under a bed, or literally in a closet on multiple occasions, crying.

This was no way to live, let alone being a man, so I tried to stop. I tried to stop living and attempted suicide multiple times in my teens and early 20s.

It was only years later that I began to see and respect my strengths: My resilience, my true toughness, my bravery and courage, my willingness and authenticity in feeling. I saw that the more I opened up and shared, the more others did too. My vulnerable risks were always rewarded. I began to think, maybe my willingness to feel is what really makes me a man? Hiding, resisting, and denying may appear to be traditional manliness but it is another aspect of fear.

What if the bravest thing you could do was cry? What if you felt strong enough to admit that you don’t have it all figured out? What if real men feel?

Originally published at GoodMenProject.com

***

About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Akashic Records Reader and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities and Reiki, as well as other leadership programs and energy work modalities.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing, and is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups and is a contributor at the GoodMenProject. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel, and he is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be. Learn more about Andy at TheAndyGrant.com

Posted on by Appio Hunter

Lessons from the Past Year

Last week Andy Grant and I closed out the 2016 season of Real Men Feel by talking about year-end rituals and New Year traditions. I admit that I don’t have many traditions I follow, but the ones I do I tend to follow for a time until they no longer serve me. That’s because I have a complicated relationship with the word “tradition.”

I think traditions can be both good and bad, keeping mind that I use those labels loosely. For example, I’ve experienced some wonderful family traditions that are fun and that never grow old; such as giving (and getting) new pajamas on Christmas. On the other hand, I’ve witnessed and experienced cultural traditions that hold back an entire society; traditions like discounting the contributions of individuals because of their gender or other differentiators.

By contrast, I’m rather fond of rituals. Rituals are deeply personal, and unlike traditions, which tend to become inflexible over time, rituals evolve and grow with the person. I have a year-end ritual I started a number of years ago that I continue to this day. I borrowed it from someone else, but it is now very much an echo of me and where I am in my life. The ritual I speak of is one of reflection.

If I don’t engage in the ritual by the end of the year, I make sure I do it within the first few days of the new year. This is the one time every 12 months when I take a serious look at where I’ve been so I can celebrate where I am now. As I celebrate, I think about the running themes of the year and then I write down the lessons I learned. Sometimes I share those lessons (like I’m about to do), but sometimes I keep those lessons to myself.

One of the biggest surprises from my reflections was I felt overwhelmed and disconnected for much of 2016. The reasons were unimportant, but I did learn some valuable lessons, which I went on to document. Those lessons allowed me to reconnect to the totality of who I am, and now I’m using them to live the most joyful life I can right now. Here’s what I learned and what I did:

I slowed down. The biggest lesson I learned was that I was doing (or trying to do) too much. This was especially true around late summer and early fall when I went through several major life changes, including starting a new job and moving into a new apartment. I speak often of the need to allow ourselves time to be playful and have fun, but I got so caught up in what I was doing I neglected to follow my own advice. The result was a slide into a depression the likes of which I hadn’t experienced in years. When I realized what I was doing to myself, I temporarily said NO to everything so I could slow down. I then took a step back, looked at what I was doing, and proceeded to say YES to the three things that were most important to me right now. The funny thing is that I continue to say YES to every opportunity that interests me, but I’ve learned to say, “Yes, but not yet.” I’m now committed to moving onto the next project only after another project is done.

I gave myself permission to be responsibly playful. Saying “no” now so I could say “yes” later gave me the space I needed to be responsibly playful. I define “responsibly playful” as making sure I set aside a little bit of time every day to do something that has nothing to do with my other “responsibilities.” My something can be anything from watching a show I recorded on my DVR to reading a chapter from a favorite book or building a new Lego® toy.

I stopped trying to multitask. This ties directly into me slowing down. By taking on only three active projects, and by only focusing on one project at a time, I’ve discovered that I get more done. There is an increasing body of evidence that shows our brains simply aren’t wired to handle multiple tasks simultaneously, so why fight nature? Instead, I’ve accepted that it’s easier to work WITH my brain than against it… and if you want to read a great article on the pitfalls of multitasking, go here.

I’m honoring my needs and doing what’s important to me. I’ve spent a lifetime ignoring my own needs and sacrificing things that were important to me just to make other people happy… and you know what? They still wanted more. Even though I instinctively knew that I was violating the First Principle of Joy, I felt like I couldn’t help myself. The happiness of those around me was more important than my own joy. It was only after I understood that I was approaching the subject of joy backwards that I started to take responsibility for my own happiness. In the process, I discovered the freedom to do my greatest good and the people around me wound up being happier too.

I remind myself that negative reactions are about the other person and not about me. This is an extension of #4. Have you ever dealt with a customer who, no matter what you do to make them happy, refuses be satisfied? Or perhaps you’ve dealt with a family member or a friend who has done the same thing. If you have, it helps to understand that they have their own issues they’re going through. I found that it’s easier to deal with unhappy people when I accept that I can’t think for them, nor can I live their lives for them. That’s something they have to do on their own. Once I accept that simple fact, it’s easier to remind myself that their reactions are a reflection of their thoughts and whatever it is they’re going through.

This list is by no means a complete one, but it does reflect the most important lessons from the past year. I share it with the intent of making 2017 an even better year than the last one. I also want to hold myself accountable for my continued growth and evolution. If the things I learned happen to help others, then great. But if they don’t, then that’s fine too. I’m gonna keep doing what I’m doing no matter what.

About the Author

Appio Hunter, a.k.a. The Emotion Emancipator, is a personal development coach, energy worker, author, and inspirational speaker. He holds certifications as a Happiness Champion and Infinite Possibilities Trainer.

Appio is a self-described crusader for joy. His work blends multiple disciplines to show everyone how they can embrace their personal power and experience clarity, emotional freedom, balance, inner peace, and joy every day. He is also co-host of the weekly podcast Real Men Feel along with his good friend and fellow coach Andy Grant. You can learn more about Appio at AppioHunter.com.

Posted on by Appio Hunter

Perfection in Imperfection

I used to be a perfectionist. I’m talking OCD-type perfectionist. I’ve heard people say that perfectionism is a guy thing, but I’m inclined to believe that it’s a human “thing.” I haven’t bothered to see if there are any studies that suggest which gender is more inclined toward perfectionism, but a very un-scientific, random sampling of people I know suggests that there may be some anecdotal truth to what I’ve heard.

Having said that, I’m happy to report I’ve mostly overcome my obsession with being perfect. I no longer throw myself into a manic frenzy or deep depression when something doesn’t turn out the way I wanted it to. That doesn’t mean I’ve gotten rid of all of my quirks or peculiar ways of doing things. If anything, I’ve probably gotten more eccentric as I’ve aged. The difference is that I just don’t worry about perfection anymore.

I’ve found great joy in being able to step back after completing a project and asking myself, “What did I enjoy most about this experience? The result, or the journey?” I can honestly say that my answer is almost always, “The journey.” Oh, sure, I still revel in giving something my best effort and getting the best result I can, but if it’s not perfect, then that’s okay too.

My shift came when I accepted a very simple principle: By allowing myself to be imperfect, I am perfectly aligned with my inner joy. I know this sounds strange, but I found perfection in my imperfections. By letting go of my need for “perfect” results, I removed the barrier that had kept me from enjoying myself and what I was doing. I realized that the need for perfection didn’t just affect the result I wanted, but everything I did to get the result. If the slightest thing went wrong… oh, boy. I’d be in a bad mood, or worse – depressed for days.

Of course, I did my best not to let my bad mood or depression show, but I nevertheless was unable to enjoy myself or my life. I was caught up in a cycle of blaming circumstances, people, or anything else outside of me for my misery. The only thing I didn’t do was look at myself and ask the hard question, “How am I contributing to this mess?” I spent most of my time finding excuses for why things didn’t turn out the way I wanted. My need for perfection was turning my life into a perfect nightmare.

So what changed? What caused me to embrace my human imperfections when those imperfections used to cause so much distress? As crazy as it may seem, I just started going with the flow. I know, I know, that sounds like new age bullshit, but what’s exactly what happened. I had heard the expression, “Just go with the flow” most of my life, and to be frank, most of the time I rolled my eyes and shook my head when I heard it. But when I reached the point where I was tired of getting nothing but upset and depressed, I thought, “Why not go with the flow? Trying to change things outside of my control is exhausting.”

So, I started accepting my mistakes and the unexpected disruptions to my plans. I literally started saying, “You know what, that’s okay,” even if I was really upset. By telling myself that everything was okay (including the upset I felt), I gave myself permission to feel AND move on. I stopped feeling stuck and weighed down by a perceived failure, and I started feeling better about myself and my attempts at doing something I wanted to do. In fact, the simple statement of, “that’s okay” helped me to start looking at imperfect results differently. I stopped seeing an imperfect result as failed final attempt, but rather as a starting point for a creative process that I could enjoy for a long time as I made changes and adjustments.

I also experienced another important shift. Distractions stopped being ways of procrastinating something I didn’t want to do and they instead became ways of centering me in my natural feelings of joy as I found more playful ways of creating what I wanted. Those who know me well (especially those who like to remind me of my nickname “Shiny Squirrel”) know that Shiny Squirrel Syndrome (or Attention Deficit Disorder in medical terms) is a very real part of my daily life. However, once I embraced the distractions and started treating them as willing, even enthusiastic, creative partners for getting me what I wanted, the burden of perfectionism fell away.

I started noticing that shiny objects and squirrels (the metaphorical type) were a natural part of going with the flow. I may have a goal and I may even be able to see my destination, but I’ve learned to accept that every time I turn away from it, it’s not me being an aimless, visionless bum with no ambition. It’s me staying centered in what makes me happiest and following the course of least resistance. The path I take to my destination doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is getting there. And once I make it to where I want to go, I’ll choose the next thing I want to do and start another adventure.

Oh, I’ll admit that I still experience times of harsh self-criticism and judgment, but overall I’ve come to accept that I am perfectly imperfect. The expression of my joy is centered not only in what I create, but also in the creative process, the adjustments, and the changes that come when I accept the imperfect results and I have fun turning something that isn’t quite right into something that is just right.

In conclusion, I’d just like to say that my thoughts are dedicated to every man who finds perfection in his imperfections and to those who continue to struggle with perfectionism. Whether you find hope in my words or you completely disagree doesn’t matter. I simply know what has worked for me and what has worked for countless others who have found themselves in similar positions.

Embrace your imperfections, and when you do, you will find perfect alignment with your inner joy.

About the Author

Appio Hunter, a.k.a. The Emotion Emancipator, is a personal development coach, energy worker, author, and inspirational speaker. He holds certifications as a Happiness Champion and Infinite Possibilities Trainer.

Appio is a self-described crusader for joy. His work blends multiple disciplines to show everyone how they can embrace their personal power and experience clarity, emotional freedom, balance, inner peace, and joy every day. He is also co-host of the weekly podcast Real Men Feel along with his good friend and fellow coach Andy Grant. You can learn more about Appio at AppioHunter.com.

Posted on by Appio Hunter

Am I Worthy?

In last week’s episode of Real Men Feel, one of the subjects that came up was that of worthiness. Do men question their worthiness as much as women do? Andy and I both admitted that yes, we do.

This question of “Am I Worthy?” has been a favorite in Western societies for over two thousand years, however variations of it have been asked throughout the world and throughout the ages, depending on the prevailing beliefs of the time. The answer to that question is as direct as it is simple:

Yes.

Of course, you’ve heard that answer many, many times. You’ve heard it so often in fact, that you have a hard time believing it. One thing humans love to do is to add complication where none is required. This is especially true of one-word answers. The irony is that when you look for a complicated answer to the question of worthiness (especially an answer that involves conditions), you’re feeding into the very stories that keep you from believing the simple yes that has been, and always will be your answer.

It doesn’t matter what part of your life you doubt, the “yes” of worthiness applies to everything. You’re worthy of love. You’re worthy of wealth. You’re worthy of joy. You’re worthy of whatever you question. There are no conditions to meet, there is no penance you must pay. By adding conditions or stipulations to the question of worthiness, you blind yourself to the truth of what is.

It isn’t necessary to elaborate further or to try to convince you that you’re worthy to receive whatever you want. You will believe what you want to believe. If you choose to believe that you must check off a list of conditions before you can be worthy of something, then you are free to check off that list. Know however, that if you believe that you must meet a set of conditions to be worthy of something, you’ll never meet those conditions. Conditions are not the product of Source, but rather an expression of the whims of humanity. They are as shifting and volatile as the wind.

Remember the First Principle of Joy: You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness but your own.

When you understand that Principle, you will understand that conditions placed on you or that you place on others serve no purpose. They merely confuse you and keep you from seeing the truth of your personal power and joy.

And if you need evidence of your worthiness, then look in the mirror. The fact that you are here, you are alive, and that you’re even asking that question is all the evidence you need.

Be well, and know the answer will always be yes.

About the Author

Appio Hunter, a.k.a. The Emotion Emancipator, is a personal development coach, energy worker, author, and inspirational speaker. He holds certifications as a Happiness Champion and Infinite Possibilities Trainer.

Appio is a self-described crusader for joy. His work blends multiple disciplines to show everyone how they can embrace their personal power and experience clarity, emotional freedom, balance, inner peace, and joy every day. He is also co-host of the weekly podcast Real Men Feel along with his good friend and fellow coach Andy Grant. You can learn more about Appio at AppioHunter.com.