Real Men Feel: Episode 70, Sexual Harassment

Sexual Harassment, Episode 70, October 17, 2017

With the unfolding sexual harassment scandal of Harvey Weinstein and the viral rush of #MeToo social media posts with both men and women admitting to experiencing sexual harassment, Real Men Feel’s Andy Grant and Appio Hunter, have an open discussion on sexual harassment with special guest, Andy’s wife, Lori Grant.

What is sexual harassment? How do men take part in harassment without realizing it? What can men do to change their own behavior or the behavior of harassers?

Sexual Harassment

US Equal Opportunity Commission
It is unlawful to harass a person (an applicant or employee) because of that person’s sex. Harassment can include “sexual harassment” or unwelcome sexual advances, requests for sexual favors, and other verbal or physical harassment of a sexual nature.

Harassment does not have to be of a sexual nature, however, and can include offensive remarks about a person’s sex. For example, it is illegal to harass a woman by making offensive comments about women in general.

Both victim and the harasser can be either a woman or a man, and the victim and harasser can be the same sex.

Although the law doesn’t prohibit simple teasing, offhand comments, or isolated incidents that are not very serious, harassment is illegal when it is so frequent or severe that it creates a hostile or offensive work environment or when it results in an adverse employment decision (such as the victim being fired or demoted).

The harasser can be the victim’s supervisor, a supervisor in another area, a co-worker, or someone who is not an employee of the employer, such as a client or customer.

The Rock Test: Treat all women like you would treat Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson.
Even better, imagine that what you are doing (or considering doing) is being done to you mother, partner, sister or daughter (friend, loved one, pet…). Would you be upset? If yes, Stop It!

References:

Sexual Harassment: 5 Essential Reads

Weinstein Lesson: Lot to Lose, Little to Gain by Reporting Sex Harassment

The Full List of Harvey Weinstein Accusers

Sexual Harassment on Wikipedia

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MeTooPhoto by Mihai Surdu on Unsplash

No More Sexual Harassment

 

Real Men Feel

Real Men Feel: Episode 66, Reconnection

Real Men Feel Reconnection Episode 66, August 22, 2017

In this episode Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are together again for the first time in two months. Their planned guest couldn’t make it, so this week was a wide ranging coffee talk and reconnection show.

This is an open and authentic conversation that too many men don’t get to be part of. It is a sharing and supportive experience between friends. Topics include where the show has been, the eclipse, astrology, depression, grief, loss of fathers, questioning being a good friend, all or nothing thinking, release, and discovery.

#RealMenFeel

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Reconnection

 

 

Real Men Feel: Episode 65, Real Men Can Feel Suicidal

Real Men Can Feel Suicidal Episode 65, August 18, 2017

Real Men Feel host Andy Grant goes solo again to share some personal insights as well as a few tools for dealing with depression and negative or suicidal thinking.

Andy opens up regarding some recent conversations, discoveries, admissions and rationalizations. He also shares three simple yet powerful tools that anyone can use to help deal with negative or suicidal thinking. The tools include pivoting, witnessing and expressing.

Life is meant to be simple and enjoyed. Make choices that result in you enjoying life more.

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Real Men Can Feel Depressed

Real Men Feel: Episode 64, Real Men Feel Disappointment in Themselves

Real Men Feel Disappointment in Themselves Episode 64, August 15, 2017

Real Men Feel returns after 9 weeks with Andy Grant going solo to explain where he’s been.

Real men feel lost, alone, desperate, apathetic, and everything else. Real men feel like shit. Real men can feel like they are not real. They can question whether they are men. Real men feel – or can feel  – disappointed in themselves. I know all this is true, because that is how I’ve been feeling for many months.~ Andy Grant

Andy comes up for air after trying to overdose on apathy and attempts to explain the feelings of disappointment that can lead to attraction of his own demise.

If you’ve listened to this episode, here is a bit of closure to some of what Andy shared.
On July 3rd we were told my dad had days to weeks to live and my wife and I decided we couldn’t sell our home and deal with that at the same time. Especially since moving into my dad’s home for his last few months to care for him was one possible landing spot for us, so we pulled our house off the market.
And Sadie is okay, she’s on medication and has had seizures once since the original night. We’ve learned dog’s having seizures is much more common than we knew.

Andy’s earlier related posts: Sharing From My Low Point and Dealing with a Dad with Dementia.

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Photo by whoislimos on Unsplash

Photo by whoislimos on Unsplash

Real Men Feel: Episode 62, The Challenge of Intimacy with Rev. Jody Bailey

Real Men Feel: Intimacy

The Challenge of Intimacy with Rev. Jody Bailey, Episode 62, May 30, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by speaker, author and coach, Rev. Jody Bailey, to help men embrace intimacy and tap into their core life force energy for health, wealth and happiness.

We explore what intimacy is. That it is different from sexuality, and all the areas of life intimacy shows up in. Jody shares some of the most common challenges men have to intimacy which include social conditioning and fear. The fear of intimacy is much bigger than the fear of sex.

Authenticity is beautiful. Vulnerability is attractive. 

Jody also shares a great exercise to develop more self-love by standing naked in front of a mirror. Appio has done this and talks about his experience. 

Connect with Rev Jody on Facebook: facebook.com/jodyspeaksinc

See her The Erotic Life blog and The Erotic Life Podcast.

Check out the hi device, Jody mentioned.

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Real Men Feel: Episode 58, Men and Fear

Real Men Fear

Men and Fear Episode 58, May 2, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel; Men having fear is very common. Men talking about their fear is not. In this episode Andy Grant and Appio Hunter dig into their own fears.

Andy shares his recent fearful state as well as many common fears for men; fear of being unlovable, fear of being a failure, fear of being inadequate, fear of being a bad man… All of which are based on distorted beliefs and imagining future scenarios that we do not want.

“Fear of feeling is at the root of so many of the fears men deny” ~Andy Grant

Andy, Appio and guests discuss a variety of fears including; financial Loss, excessive emotionality, commitment, absence of commitment, being a slave to an undesirable job, midlife crisis, raising children, visiting a doctor, and fear of death.

“Real men fear.”

Andy’s article that lead to this discussion.

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Fear

Real Men Feel: Episode 57, Breaking The Vow of Male Silence with Nige Atkinson

Real Men Feel

Breaking The Vow of Male Silence with Nige Atkinson Episode 57, April 25, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by Odd Man Out author, Nige Atkinson, to explore the vow of silence among men, the toll it takes, and how we might break that vow.

Nige shares his story of feeling uncomfortable in his own skin from a very young age including sexual abuse, anxiety, anger, rage and the male vow of silence that kept it all building and terrifying. He was taught that tears and emotions were signs of weakness. The vow of male silence is “man up, shut up, and put up” and it is killing men. There is power and healing in breaking the silence and sharing your fears.

“When you break the vow of male silence, you don’t do it just once. You have to break it again and again and again.” ~Nige Atkinson

Nige’s path includes everything from The Incredible Hulk to A Course in Miracles. His upcoming book, Odd Man Out: Breaking The Vow of Male Silence, is for men who want to know more about themselves—especially those men who are quietly struggling and suffering in silence—and for women who are struggling to understand their men.

“Real men cry.” ~Nige Atkinson

To prove that sentiment, Nige and Appio pile praise onto Andy towards the end of this episode and move him to tears.

See the first chapter of Odd Man Out: Breaking The Vow of Male Silence.

This is the Step Class Video of mine that Nige mentions.

#RealMenFeel

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Real Men Feel: Episode 54, Male Rites of Passage with Journeymen Founder, Nicky Wilks

Real Men Feel

Male Rites of Passage with Nicky Wilks, Episode 54, April 4, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by the founder of Journeymen.us, Nicky Wilks, to talk about the need for rituals, ceremonies and rites of passage for creating better men. Nicky shares his man story, and there is a great discussion around mentorship and initiation.

Journeymen’s vision is to regenerate modern society through the inspiration of young men, and Nicky is indeed inspiring while sharing some of his goals for Journeymen and The Quest they offer teenage boys. A popular theme in Real Men Feel is authenticity, and it is oozing out of Nicky and all that Journeymen is up to.

If you think building compassionate and inspired men through nature-based rites of passage, long-term mentoring, and community engagement is something that is sorely needed, you are going to love this show, Nicky, and Journeymen.

“Mentorship is 95% showing up authentically and 5% choosing to do it again the next time.” ~Nicky Wilks

#RealMenFeel

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Why Does Being Called ‘Gay’ Bother Me?


When I first started speaking and doing honest videos about my experiences with depression, molestation and suicide attempts seven years ago, being called “gay” was one of my biggest fears. Imagining my authentic and vulnerable sharing being met by derision and mockery kept me silent for too long. By the time I got such a comment it actually made me laugh.

stop being so gay!

Click to enlarge image.

My podcast, Real Men Feel, has now gotten it’s first “gay” comment. An important threshold has been crossed! I have yet to decide how or if to respond. I’m finding myself particularly triggered by this one. I think it coming from someone with my own name is making me want to fight back as opposed to laughing it off, or thanking him for being a scholar and a gentleman. What would you do? You can watch it here if you like. (Note: since this was first published he has gone back and deleted his comment and my reply asking him to be on the show.)

◊♦◊

Being called “gay” is the put-down that goes back the farthest and was the easiest to throw at anyone when I was a kid. Anyone or anything not seen as tough, macho or in proper alignment with being a man (which was never clearly defined), would be labeled as “gay”. In elementary school, I was in the school band, chorus, and plays, but by the time I was in high school I stopped doing all of that—even when I had a genuine interest in continuing. It was all over peer pressure and my fear of the judgment of others.

Begin called “gay” has never struck me as sexual. I never took it as though they are calling me a homosexual. It wasn’t like kids went around screaming, “You’re attracted to men!” at each other. The hurling of that term, “gay”, was saying I wasn’t a man. I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t right.

“That’s so gay.” “Don’t be gay.” “You’re so gay.” Anything being called “gay” was the ultimate dismissal of it. As a kid, there was no acceptable response. When I first began hearing “gay” as a put-down I don’t think I was even aware of what homosexuality meant. Maybe for a boy who knows he is gay today, a response of, “Yes. I am gay” might shut bullies up, or perhaps it makes the torment increase. When I was growing up, continuing to act in whatever way was being ridiculed only guaranteed more ridicule and mockery.

The same day that the Real Men Feel episode got the “…don’t be so fucking gay” comment, another viewer posted positive comments on three other videos. This reminds me of advice I received five years ago when one person kept posting negative comments on my videos about my experiences, and I took them all very personally. A friend asked me, “Why do you focus on the one negative comment as opposed to the dozens of positive ones?” I had no answer. That woke me up to the fact that any comment attacking me was outnumbered by dozens of comments thanking me.

Other people have pointed out that “gay” originally meant carefree, happy, joyous, and lighthearted. Some European friends say that is still the primary meaning there and that they didn’t realize this was somehow a put-down in the US. So over the course of the 20th century, American masculinity decided that being happy, joyous and lighthearted was not something a true man should have anything to do with.

◊♦◊

Recently I noticed someone shared a Real Men Feel show link on Facebook saying “for my sensitive male friends.” Sensitive is another word that makes me bristle a bit. I was often called sensitive growing up and it never seemed like it was a compliment. My own wife was told by a friend that I was sensitive before she met me, that always struck me as some sort of warning to her, but she failed to heed it.

Being called sensitive is right up there with the notion of “nice guys finish last.” I can’t remember where or when I first heard that but it was embedded in my mental programming at an early age it seems.

So what the hell is so wrong with being sensitive? Nothing. Yet, for whatever reason, that adjective is not one I like being used on me. And does my being bothered by being called gay mean I really do have some sort of internalized homophobia? That is more difficult to answer. I can see that possibility. I’m not homophobic to the point of treating others differently, but there is still some societal bullshit in me that wants to make sure nobody thinks I’m gay. I don’t know what I can do about that, but one thing I can do is dedicate an upcoming episode of Real Men Feel to this notion of internalized homophobia. I even replied to that other Andy Grant (#NotMyAndyGrant), inviting him on to the show.

Any change starts with awareness and open discussion. Perhaps in time, my new natural response to being called “sensitive” or “gay” will be a heartfelt, thank you.

Originally published at GoodMenProject.com. This resulted in the Real Men Feel show on March 7, 2017 being about internalized homophobia.

***

About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Akashic Records Reader and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities and Reiki, as well as other leadership programs and energy work modalities.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing, and is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups and is a contributor at the GoodMenProject. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel, and he is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be. Learn more about Andy at TheAndyGrant.com

It’s Okay to be Human

It’s okay to have everything, but still want more.

It’s okay to spend years learning how to walk a spiritual path, but still display non-spiritual emotions when something knocks you off your path.

It’s okay to be enlightened, but still express strong opinions.

It’s okay to be calm, but still show anger.

It’s okay to be happy, but still feel sorrow.

It’s okay show courage, but still admit to being afraid.

It’s okay to love, but still feel hate.

Why?

It’s part of being human.

It’s what we signed up for.

This experience is what we wanted.

So, embrace the totality of who you are, even if you think you don’t know who you are yet… or even if you’re redefining what it means to be you.

It’s okay… because you’re here. Completely, fully here. Right now.

All of you.

Embrace your experience and love it.

Because it’s okay to be human.


About the Author

Appio Hunter, a.k.a. The Emotion Emancipator, is a personal development coach, energy worker, author, and inspirational speaker. He holds certifications as a Happiness Champion and Infinite Possibilities Trainer.

Appio is a self-described crusader for joy. His work blends multiple disciplines to show everyone how they can embrace their personal power and experience clarity, emotional freedom, balance, inner peace, and joy every day. He is also co-host of the weekly podcast Real Men Feel along with his good friend and fellow coach Andy Grant. You can learn more about Appio at AppioHunter.com.