Real Men Feel: Ep. 82, Dads Behaving Dadly

Dads Behaving Dadly with Hogan Hilling Episode 82, February 20, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by author, Hogan Hilling, to discuss the shifting roles of fatherhood. Hilling is the author of the Dads Behaving Dadly series and also the founder of the #WeLoveDads Campaign and United We Parent.

“One of the biggest assumptions is that a guy is a stay-at-home dad as a last resort. That he had no choice.” ~Hogan Hilling

Hogan’s mission is to dispel the unfair stigma of dads as incompetent parents and more importantly prove Fatherhood Is Alive and Well! He loved being a full-time caregiver to his kids, but everyone around him kept telling him it was wrong. He got tired of defending himself and having to justify his choices in ways stay-at-home moms never have to.

“I haven’t lost any masculinity by staying home!”

Topics Covered Include:

  • The stigma stay-at-home dads face.
  • What assumptions are made about stay-at-home dads?
  • The one thing Hogan focuses on as a father.
  • “Coming out of the pantry.”
  • Dads are not replacements for moms.
  • The power and benefits of dad support groups.
  • The danger and splintering of so many parent support groups.
  • What are the dynamics for stepdads?
  • What does behaving “dadly” mean?
  • What is Hogan’s best advice for new dads?
  • #WeLoveDads campaign
  • Dad Marketing

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There is still a bias that moms are much better parents than dads. That dads are inept as caregivers and parents. That is why many men are still hesitant to come out of the pantry.

All parents need to drop the adjectives before their names: stay-at-home dad, working mom, gay dad, stepfather…follow the leads of your kids who only introduce you as dad.

Check out Hogan’s book, Dads Behaving Dadly: 67 Truths, Tears and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood
See all of Hogan’s books

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Real Men Feel ep 82

Real Men Feel: Ep. 79, Exploring The Men School

Exploring The Men School with Jan Darwin Hutchins Episode 79, February 6, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter discover the path to the creation of The Men School, a school dedicated to cultivating the divine masculine in all of us with Jan Darwin Hutchins.

“Why, after having been a lone wolf all my life, did I feel so alone?” ~Jan Darwin Hutchins

Jan was successful at a young age, living the dream as a TV sports anchor, yet he felt rather empty. In his 50s he realized he had made no real friends over his life. An experience witnessing the support a dying friend received from a men’s group made him realize he was not alone and that he could trust other men. He discovered there was an initiation he could do to become one of those men. Jan did it and confirmed that he was not alone, didn’t need to be alone and could trust men.

“The problem with life is there is no end to the problems.”

Topics Covered Include:

  • Jan’s background including TV news, politics, yoga and more.
  • What lead to the creation of The Men School?
  • The masks we all wear.
  • The need for and benefits of doing the inner work.
  • The power of men’s groups.
  • The current state of The Men’s School and plans for the future.
  • Do we ever graduate from Men School?
  • Jan shares some research on wolves in Yellowstone.
  • OKness and presence.
  • The MankindProject
  • How does a man find his truth?
  • Is life simple or hard?

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All three men answer the question: If there was one thing you could teach or make all men aware of, what would it be?

TheMenSchool
“We are a learning community cultivating the sacred deep masculine in us all.”
As social animals, we require a source of stabilization from outside ourselves. Our shared connections and, co-corrections, literally keep us sane.

TheMenSchool is here to:
—keep learning to model the divine masculine
—see you excel in your individual life

When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100% of the time.~Byron Katie

Check out Robert Johnson’s book, We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love
Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

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Real Men Feel: Ep. 78, Working Through Upset and Reactions

Working Through Upset and Reactions Episode 78, January 30, 2018

This week Andy Grant goes solo with a member of the RMF private Facebook group who was upset with him and wanted to leave the group.

True to the title of the show, we bring some internal upset out into the light.

Last month, in the private Real Men Feel group on Facebook, one of our men took offense with something that Andy shared there. It was a video from a group of guys called The Try Guys.

Andy says: I had shared a video from them before and it was well received. I admit I hesitated about this but obviously decided to post it. The first comment on the video in the group was – “This is disgusting. I’m leaving the group.”

I was horrified that something I shared had driven a man to leave. It was a man I don’t recall ever speaking up before which made me feel even worse. I wondered what to do, to leave it be, reach out to him… I noticed he hadn’t left yet so I asked via reply to his comment if he would be willing to come on RMF in 2018 to talk about this.

He agreed. So here we are.

Comments in group

 

Topics Covered Include:

  • What offended you about that video?
  • The positives and negatives of Facebook.
  • Stereotypes about masculinity.
  • Andy’s reaction to Steve saying he was leaving the group.
  • What drew you to the Real Men Feel group to begin with?
  • Had Steve ever listened to this show?
  • The courage it takes to speak up.
  • The coolest thing Steve’s learned from all the men’s groups he’s in.
  • The struggle of knowing what masculinity is.
  • Steve’s definition of masculinity.
  • Steve’s background and personal story.
  • The benefits of being in a men’s group.
  • What’s the least “manly” thing you do?

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Here is the video in that brought up the turmoil.

Steve shares a great deal about his journey and why he questioned his manhood and what makes someone a man.

“Those guys who have it all together, he’s so manly, he’s so cool… once you get to know them they’ve got just as many issues as you do. All men are created equal.” ~Steve

Being a man means you doubt being a man at some point.

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Real Men Feel ep. 78

Real Men Feel: Ep. 77, Celebrating Masculine Power

Celebrating Masculine Power Episode 77, January 23, 2018

At a time when masculinity seems under attack, it is important to remember that good men owning their power can be a fantastic positive force for everyone. This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by fulfillment coach and speaker, Sean-Patrick Maher, to discuss how men can embrace their power and create deeper connections with themselves and others.

A key to men owning their power is operating more from their heart and less from their head.

The conversation begins with Andy sharing that he blew off Sean-Patrick last year, but that he was impressed by Sean-Patrick’s reaction and was eager to get him on the show once Real Men Feel was flowing again. The interaction was a great example of men communication with openness and honesty.

“Being grounded, heart-centered, and connected to all parts of myself is the greatest gift I can give to the world.” ~Sean-Patrick Maher

Topics Covered Include:

  • Authenticity and integrity
  • The fear of showing up in our full “manness” today
  • The importance of operating from the heart over the head
  • Awareness
  • How to get into your heart
  • What Sean-Patrick was taught about being a man
  • What being an integrated man means
  • The Heart-Math Institute
  • Toxic masculinity and the fear that all expression of masculinity is labeled “toxic”
  • The power and problems of labels
  • The MankindProject

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Masculine energy is not only domination and patriarchy. That is a distorted aspect of masculine energy. An excellent discussion unfolded on labels, language, masculine/feminine, and mindset. Allowing ourselves and others to flow on a spectrum of labels can be liberating, but if we ever think we ARE the label, that brings trouble.

Being an integrated man, allowing full access to our femininity and seeing the strength of our masculinity as equally beautiful and powerful is the sweet spot.

“Let our hearts be the laison for everything entering and exiting our field.” ~Sean-Patrick Maher

Check out Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

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Learn more about Sean-Patrick at SeanPatrickMaher.com

More on this theme – You’ve Got a Goddess Inside You, Chuck!

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Follow your heart


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Real Men Feel: Ep. 76, Praising the President or Trumpeting Trump

Men Praising President Trump Episode 76, January 16, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter invited supporters of President Trump to join them for an hour of conversation and listening. It was challenging to find men willing to speak up and be seen; many feel under attack for their political views. We promised to ask questions and listen. Our goal was an open and honest conversation among men.

Great thanks and appreciation to our guests, Buddy Carchide of New Hampshire, and Tony Crisostomo of Arizona, for taking part in this experiment, as well as to all the men who considered being on the show. We hit a lot of different topics and could have continued talking for hours.

“Biggest problem is that there is NO discussion, just name calling. The art of conversation has been lost. We all want to make a better country.”

Questions Included:

  • When did you get on board with candidate Donald Trump?
  • Is building a wall along our southern border a priority to you?
  • What are you proudest or happiest with regarding the Trump administration in its first year?
  • What are you most disappointed in or by?
  • What are your thoughts on “Fake News?”
  • Regarding the investigations into Russian meddling in the election and possible collusion with the Trump campaign – do you think there is anything there?
  • What about the current controversy over Trump’s alleged “shithole” comments?
  • What do you feel is the biggest issue the President has yet to address?
  • What are you most looking forward to in the next year of this administration?
  • Do you think politics in general and the presidency, in particular, are changed forever?
  • Will we ever go back to a career politician, who acts “presidential”?

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Our guests have been Trump fans from the very start and saw him as someone who says what he’ll do and does what he says. Putting America first is not selfish or Naziism. They admire that President Trump doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him, and they are glad he’s on Twitter, talking directly to the people.

The guys don’t like being called racist, bigot, or homophobe. “I just have a different way to get to the same place. We all want to improve our country.”

“We have much love and much respect for all the country. Our differences make us great. We are all part of the American soul.”

Everyone involved wished for more understanding.

Our conversation was rambunctious and surprisingly laugh-filled. We can all get along.

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Official Portrait of President Donald Trump
By Shealah Craighead – https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/10/31/white-house-releases-official-portraits-president-donald-j-trump-and, Public Domain, Link


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Real Men Feel: Ep. 75, Reactions to Sexual Harassment, #MeToo and #TimesUp

Real Men Feel: Reactions to Sexual Harassment, #MeToo and #TimesUp Episode 75, January 9, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter lead their second open call to discuss the tsunami of sexual harassment charges and the aftermath. Last month the discussion was among five men, this time we opened the call up to women as well.

Since our first conversation, sexual misconduct charges have swept the ESPN, NFL Network, Celebrity chefs, the New York City Ballet, London’s Royal Philharmonic … it has only been three months since the first accusations against Harvey Weinstein were made public. This is so far beyond any industry or workplace. This is impacting every part of society.

Director Morgan Spurlock owned up to his past bad behavior before any public accusations were made because of the anxiety he felt waiting for him to become the next man down. In the last month, Al Franken has left the Senate, and Roy Moore lost his bid to join the Senate.

We being by discussing what will society look like once the backlash calms down with Kenny Earl, Boysen Hodgson, and Lori Grant. What might the new standard be once we reach a balance point? It will probably be once women realize harassment is no longer happening, but how long will it take? Might sexual harassment be as antiquated as an 8-track tape someday?


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The conversation touches on the toxicity of social media, Sebastian Junger’s book Tribe, the notion of men not being evolved, and the entrenchment of patriarchy (not only among men).

The problem isn’t men in power. It is so many broken men in power. ~Andy Grant

One suggestion for men to realize how pervasive sexual harassment is for one day at work do not say something to a woman that you wouldn’t say to another guy.

Our lone female participant did not appreciate using the term backlash for men who have raped and assaulted women. Raping someone twenty years ago, but not having it come out until today doesn’t make it okay.

That’s not backlash, that’s fricking justice – Lori Grant

If you haven’t seen Oprah’s speech at the Golden Globes, it is worth watching. And if you have seen it, it’s worth watching again.
https://www.facebook.com/oprahmagazine/videos/10150951415064944/

Men, we need you to be phenomenal.

phe·nom·e·nal/fəˈnämənəl/ — adjective

  • 1. very remarkable; extraordinary: “the town expanded at a phenomenal rate” synonyms: remarkable, exceptional, extraordinary, amazing, astonishing, … more antonyms: ordinary
  • 2. perceptible by the senses or through immediate experience: “the phenomenal world.”

Resources and References

Justin Baldoni – Why I’m Done Trying To Be Man Enough

Vanity Fair – Brotopia: Silicon Valley Secretive Orgiastic Inner Sanctum

Men Accused Since Weinstein

Learn more about Time’s Up and add your name to the Letter of Solidarity.

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Times Up

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Real Men Feel: Episode 64, Real Men Feel Disappointment in Themselves

Real Men Feel Disappointment in Themselves Episode 64, August 15, 2017

Real Men Feel returns after 9 weeks with Andy Grant going solo to explain where he’s been.

Real men feel lost, alone, desperate, apathetic, and everything else. Real men feel like shit. Real men can feel like they are not real. They can question whether they are men. Real men feel – or can feel  – disappointed in themselves. I know all this is true, because that is how I’ve been feeling for many months.~ Andy Grant

Andy comes up for air after trying to overdose on apathy and attempts to explain the feelings of disappointment that can lead to attraction of his own demise.

If you’ve listened to this episode, here is a bit of closure to some of what Andy shared.
On July 3rd we were told my dad had days to weeks to live and my wife and I decided we couldn’t sell our home and deal with that at the same time. Especially since moving into my dad’s home for his last few months to care for him was one possible landing spot for us, so we pulled our house off the market.
And Sadie is okay, she’s on medication and has had seizures once since the original night. We’ve learned dog’s having seizures is much more common than we knew.

Andy’s earlier related posts: Sharing From My Low Point and Dealing with a Dad with Dementia.

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Photo by whoislimos on Unsplash

Photo by whoislimos on Unsplash

Real Men Feel: Episode 61, Finding Hope with Psychological Theorist, Vito Mucci

Finding Hope with Psychological Theorist, Vito Mucci Episode 61, May 23, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by author and co-host of Divine Union TV, Vito Mucci, to talk about finding hope. This isn’t airy-fairy stuff. Vito is all about science and psychology for everybody as he shares lessons learned from spending eight years at rock bottom.

Andy shares how triggered he was when first coming across Vito on Facebook. Vito then describes what being a psychological theorist means to him. The bulk of the show is about Vito’s eight years of being at rock bottom and attempting to use alcohol to control his emotions.

“Life is pretty adept at beating us down.” ~Vito Mucci

Vito believes alcohol did indeed save his life. He longed for some way to feel safe and alcohol was that safety for a long time. Drinking gave him a sense of control over his emotions.

The beginning of hope comes from not denying our emotions, but in allowing them.

Validate and celebrate all your little successes, those are the embers of hope.

Check out Vito’s book Coffee for Consciousness.

Connect with Vito on Facebook: facebook.com/vito.mucci
facebook.com/Divine-Union-TV-263163274114518/

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It’s Okay to be Human

It’s okay to have everything, but still want more.

It’s okay to spend years learning how to walk a spiritual path, but still display non-spiritual emotions when something knocks you off your path.

It’s okay to be enlightened, but still express strong opinions.

It’s okay to be calm, but still show anger.

It’s okay to be happy, but still feel sorrow.

It’s okay show courage, but still admit to being afraid.

It’s okay to love, but still feel hate.

Why?

It’s part of being human.

It’s what we signed up for.

This experience is what we wanted.

So, embrace the totality of who you are, even if you think you don’t know who you are yet… or even if you’re redefining what it means to be you.

It’s okay… because you’re here. Completely, fully here. Right now.

All of you.

Embrace your experience and love it.

Because it’s okay to be human.


About the Author

Appio Hunter, a.k.a. The Emotion Emancipator, is a personal development coach, energy worker, author, and inspirational speaker. He holds certifications as a Happiness Champion and Infinite Possibilities Trainer.

Appio is a self-described crusader for joy. His work blends multiple disciplines to show everyone how they can embrace their personal power and experience clarity, emotional freedom, balance, inner peace, and joy every day. He is also co-host of the weekly podcast Real Men Feel along with his good friend and fellow coach Andy Grant. You can learn more about Appio at AppioHunter.com.

Real Men Feel: Episode 49, Empowering The Family Unit with Kirsty and James Greenshields

Real Men Feel with The Greenshields

Empowering The Family Unit with Kirsty and James Greenshields, Episode 49, February 28, 2017

On this episode of Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by Kirsty and James Greenshields to explore how you can empower your own family to make a positive effect on your community and the world.

Since 2009, Kirsty and James, founders of Resilient Leaders Foundation, have been assisting others to uncover their leadership potential. Between them, they’ve touched the lives of 1000’s of humans directly, and countless others, indirectly. Their vision is: “To provide young people with the tools and resources they need to positively impact humanity and create a better planet.”

The Greenshields share their own journeys along with the importance of personal resiliency and emotional literacy in improving families, communities and the globe.

#RealMenFeel

Connect with Kirsty and James at CentreForResiliantLeadership.com, Twitter @LeaderSoulShip, @YOUHealthWealth, and Facebook ResilientLeadersFoundation

Learn more about the Young Warrior Project

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