Real Men Feel: Ep. 78, Working Through Upset and Reactions

Working Through Upset and Reactions Episode 78, January 30, 2018

This week Andy Grant goes solo with a member of the RMF private Facebook group who was upset with him and wanted to leave the group.

True to the title of the show, we bring some internal upset out into the light.

Last month, in the private Real Men Feel group on Facebook, one of our men took offense with something that Andy shared there. It was a video from a group of guys called The Try Guys.

Andy says: I had shared a video from them before and it was well received. I admit I hesitated about this but obviously decided to post it. The first comment on the video in the group was – “This is disgusting. I’m leaving the group.”

I was horrified that something I shared had driven a man to leave. It was a man I don’t recall ever speaking up before which made me feel even worse. I wondered what to do, to leave it be, reach out to him… I noticed he hadn’t left yet so I asked via reply to his comment if he would be willing to come on RMF in 2018 to talk about this.

He agreed. So here we are.

Comments in group

 

Topics Covered Include:

  • What offended you about that video?
  • The positives and negatives of Facebook.
  • Stereotypes about masculinity.
  • Andy’s reaction to Steve saying he was leaving the group.
  • What drew you to the Real Men Feel group to begin with?
  • Had Steve ever listened to this show?
  • The courage it takes to speak up.
  • The coolest thing Steve’s learned from all the men’s groups he’s in.
  • The struggle of knowing what masculinity is.
  • Steve’s definition of masculinity.
  • Steve’s background and personal story.
  • The benefits of being in a men’s group.
  • What’s the least “manly” thing you do?

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Here is the video in that brought up the turmoil.

Steve shares a great deal about his journey and why he questioned his manhood and what makes someone a man.

“Those guys who have it all together, he’s so manly, he’s so cool… once you get to know them they’ve got just as many issues as you do. All men are created equal.” ~Steve

Being a man means you doubt being a man at some point.

#RealMenFeel

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Real Men Feel ep. 78

Real Men Feel: Ep. 77, Celebrating Masculine Power

Celebrating Masculine Power Episode 77, January 23, 2018

At a time when masculinity seems under attack, it is important to remember that good men owning their power can be a fantastic positive force for everyone. This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by fulfillment coach and speaker, Sean-Patrick Maher, to discuss how men can embrace their power and create deeper connections with themselves and others.

A key to men owning their power is operating more from their heart and less from their head.

The conversation begins with Andy sharing that he blew off Sean-Patrick last year, but that he was impressed by Sean-Patrick’s reaction and was eager to get him on the show once Real Men Feel was flowing again. The interaction was a great example of men communication with openness and honesty.

“Being grounded, heart-centered, and connected to all parts of myself is the greatest gift I can give to the world.” ~Sean-Patrick Maher

Topics Covered Include:

  • Authenticity and integrity
  • The fear of showing up in our full “manness” today
  • The importance of operating from the heart over the head
  • Awareness
  • How to get into your heart
  • What Sean-Patrick was taught about being a man
  • What being an integrated man means
  • The Heart-Math Institute
  • Toxic masculinity and the fear that all expression of masculinity is labeled “toxic”
  • The power and problems of labels
  • The MankindProject

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Masculine energy is not only domination and patriarchy. That is a distorted aspect of masculine energy. An excellent discussion unfolded on labels, language, masculine/feminine, and mindset. Allowing ourselves and others to flow on a spectrum of labels can be liberating, but if we ever think we ARE the label, that brings trouble.

Being an integrated man, allowing full access to our femininity and seeing the strength of our masculinity as equally beautiful and powerful is the sweet spot.

“Let our hearts be the laison for everything entering and exiting our field.” ~Sean-Patrick Maher

Check out Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

#RealMenFeel

Learn more about Sean-Patrick at SeanPatrickMaher.com

More on this theme – You’ve Got a Goddess Inside You, Chuck!

Connect with Sean-Patrick on Facebook

Like the show on Facebook facebook.com/realmenfeelshow

Subscribe to the Real Men Feel podcast on iTunes.

Join our private Facebook group: facebook.com/groups/realmenfeel/

Watch this episode on YouTube.

Enjoy Real Men Feel on Stitcher.

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Let us know what you thought here in the comments or shoot an email to realmenfeel@gmail.com.

Follow your heart


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Real Men Feel: Episode 58, Men and Fear

Real Men Fear

Men and Fear Episode 58, May 2, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel; Men having fear is very common. Men talking about their fear is not. In this episode Andy Grant and Appio Hunter dig into their own fears.

Andy shares his recent fearful state as well as many common fears for men; fear of being unlovable, fear of being a failure, fear of being inadequate, fear of being a bad man… All of which are based on distorted beliefs and imagining future scenarios that we do not want.

“Fear of feeling is at the root of so many of the fears men deny” ~Andy Grant

Andy, Appio and guests discuss a variety of fears including; financial Loss, excessive emotionality, commitment, absence of commitment, being a slave to an undesirable job, midlife crisis, raising children, visiting a doctor, and fear of death.

“Real men fear.”

Andy’s article that lead to this discussion.

#RealMenFeel

Like the show on Facebook facebook.com/realmenfeelshow

Subscribe to the Real Men Feel podcast in iTunes.

Join our private Facebook group: facebook.com/groups/realmenfeel/

Watch this episode on YouTube.

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Let us know what you thought here in the comments or shoot an email to realmenfeel@gmail.com

Fear

It’s Okay to be Human

It’s okay to have everything, but still want more.

It’s okay to spend years learning how to walk a spiritual path, but still display non-spiritual emotions when something knocks you off your path.

It’s okay to be enlightened, but still express strong opinions.

It’s okay to be calm, but still show anger.

It’s okay to be happy, but still feel sorrow.

It’s okay show courage, but still admit to being afraid.

It’s okay to love, but still feel hate.

Why?

It’s part of being human.

It’s what we signed up for.

This experience is what we wanted.

So, embrace the totality of who you are, even if you think you don’t know who you are yet… or even if you’re redefining what it means to be you.

It’s okay… because you’re here. Completely, fully here. Right now.

All of you.

Embrace your experience and love it.

Because it’s okay to be human.


About the Author

Appio Hunter, a.k.a. The Emotion Emancipator, is a personal development coach, energy worker, author, and inspirational speaker. He holds certifications as a Happiness Champion and Infinite Possibilities Trainer.

Appio is a self-described crusader for joy. His work blends multiple disciplines to show everyone how they can embrace their personal power and experience clarity, emotional freedom, balance, inner peace, and joy every day. He is also co-host of the weekly podcast Real Men Feel along with his good friend and fellow coach Andy Grant. You can learn more about Appio at AppioHunter.com.

Perfection in Imperfection

I used to be a perfectionist. I’m talking OCD-type perfectionist. I’ve heard people say that perfectionism is a guy thing, but I’m inclined to believe that it’s a human “thing.” I haven’t bothered to see if there are any studies that suggest which gender is more inclined toward perfectionism, but a very un-scientific, random sampling of people I know suggests that there may be some anecdotal truth to what I’ve heard.

Having said that, I’m happy to report I’ve mostly overcome my obsession with being perfect. I no longer throw myself into a manic frenzy or deep depression when something doesn’t turn out the way I wanted it to. That doesn’t mean I’ve gotten rid of all of my quirks or peculiar ways of doing things. If anything, I’ve probably gotten more eccentric as I’ve aged. The difference is that I just don’t worry about perfection anymore.

I’ve found great joy in being able to step back after completing a project and asking myself, “What did I enjoy most about this experience? The result, or the journey?” I can honestly say that my answer is almost always, “The journey.” Oh, sure, I still revel in giving something my best effort and getting the best result I can, but if it’s not perfect, then that’s okay too.

My shift came when I accepted a very simple principle: By allowing myself to be imperfect, I am perfectly aligned with my inner joy. I know this sounds strange, but I found perfection in my imperfections. By letting go of my need for “perfect” results, I removed the barrier that had kept me from enjoying myself and what I was doing. I realized that the need for perfection didn’t just affect the result I wanted, but everything I did to get the result. If the slightest thing went wrong… oh, boy. I’d be in a bad mood, or worse – depressed for days.

Of course, I did my best not to let my bad mood or depression show, but I nevertheless was unable to enjoy myself or my life. I was caught up in a cycle of blaming circumstances, people, or anything else outside of me for my misery. The only thing I didn’t do was look at myself and ask the hard question, “How am I contributing to this mess?” I spent most of my time finding excuses for why things didn’t turn out the way I wanted. My need for perfection was turning my life into a perfect nightmare.

So what changed? What caused me to embrace my human imperfections when those imperfections used to cause so much distress? As crazy as it may seem, I just started going with the flow. I know, I know, that sounds like new age bullshit, but what’s exactly what happened. I had heard the expression, “Just go with the flow” most of my life, and to be frank, most of the time I rolled my eyes and shook my head when I heard it. But when I reached the point where I was tired of getting nothing but upset and depressed, I thought, “Why not go with the flow? Trying to change things outside of my control is exhausting.”

So, I started accepting my mistakes and the unexpected disruptions to my plans. I literally started saying, “You know what, that’s okay,” even if I was really upset. By telling myself that everything was okay (including the upset I felt), I gave myself permission to feel AND move on. I stopped feeling stuck and weighed down by a perceived failure, and I started feeling better about myself and my attempts at doing something I wanted to do. In fact, the simple statement of, “that’s okay” helped me to start looking at imperfect results differently. I stopped seeing an imperfect result as failed final attempt, but rather as a starting point for a creative process that I could enjoy for a long time as I made changes and adjustments.

I also experienced another important shift. Distractions stopped being ways of procrastinating something I didn’t want to do and they instead became ways of centering me in my natural feelings of joy as I found more playful ways of creating what I wanted. Those who know me well (especially those who like to remind me of my nickname “Shiny Squirrel”) know that Shiny Squirrel Syndrome (or Attention Deficit Disorder in medical terms) is a very real part of my daily life. However, once I embraced the distractions and started treating them as willing, even enthusiastic, creative partners for getting me what I wanted, the burden of perfectionism fell away.

I started noticing that shiny objects and squirrels (the metaphorical type) were a natural part of going with the flow. I may have a goal and I may even be able to see my destination, but I’ve learned to accept that every time I turn away from it, it’s not me being an aimless, visionless bum with no ambition. It’s me staying centered in what makes me happiest and following the course of least resistance. The path I take to my destination doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is getting there. And once I make it to where I want to go, I’ll choose the next thing I want to do and start another adventure.

Oh, I’ll admit that I still experience times of harsh self-criticism and judgment, but overall I’ve come to accept that I am perfectly imperfect. The expression of my joy is centered not only in what I create, but also in the creative process, the adjustments, and the changes that come when I accept the imperfect results and I have fun turning something that isn’t quite right into something that is just right.

In conclusion, I’d just like to say that my thoughts are dedicated to every man who finds perfection in his imperfections and to those who continue to struggle with perfectionism. Whether you find hope in my words or you completely disagree doesn’t matter. I simply know what has worked for me and what has worked for countless others who have found themselves in similar positions.

Embrace your imperfections, and when you do, you will find perfect alignment with your inner joy.


About the Author

Appio Hunter, a.k.a. The Emotion Emancipator, is a personal development coach, energy worker, author, and inspirational speaker. He holds certifications as a Happiness Champion and Infinite Possibilities Trainer.

Appio is a self-described crusader for joy. His work blends multiple disciplines to show everyone how they can embrace their personal power and experience clarity, emotional freedom, balance, inner peace, and joy every day. He is also co-host of the weekly podcast Real Men Feel along with his good friend and fellow coach Andy Grant. You can learn more about Appio at AppioHunter.com.

Am I Worthy?

In last week’s episode of Real Men Feel, one of the subjects that came up was that of worthiness. Do men question their worthiness as much as women do? Andy and I both admitted that yes, we do.

This question of “Am I Worthy?” has been a favorite in Western societies for over two thousand years, however variations of it have been asked throughout the world and throughout the ages, depending on the prevailing beliefs of the time. The answer to that question is as direct as it is simple:

Yes.

Of course, you’ve heard that answer many, many times. You’ve heard it so often in fact, that you have a hard time believing it. One thing humans love to do is to add complication where none is required. This is especially true of one-word answers. The irony is that when you look for a complicated answer to the question of worthiness (especially an answer that involves conditions), you’re feeding into the very stories that keep you from believing the simple yes that has been, and always will be your answer.

It doesn’t matter what part of your life you doubt, the “yes” of worthiness applies to everything. You’re worthy of love. You’re worthy of wealth. You’re worthy of joy. You’re worthy of whatever you question. There are no conditions to meet, there is no penance you must pay. By adding conditions or stipulations to the question of worthiness, you blind yourself to the truth of what is.

It isn’t necessary to elaborate further or to try to convince you that you’re worthy to receive whatever you want. You will believe what you want to believe. If you choose to believe that you must check off a list of conditions before you can be worthy of something, then you are free to check off that list. Know however, that if you believe that you must meet a set of conditions to be worthy of something, you’ll never meet those conditions. Conditions are not the product of Source, but rather an expression of the whims of humanity. They are as shifting and volatile as the wind.

Remember the First Principle of Joy: You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness but your own.

When you understand that Principle, you will understand that conditions placed on you or that you place on others serve no purpose. They merely confuse you and keep you from seeing the truth of your personal power and joy.

And if you need evidence of your worthiness, then look in the mirror. The fact that you are here, you are alive, and that you’re even asking that question is all the evidence you need.

Be well, and know the answer will always be yes.


About the Author

Appio Hunter, a.k.a. The Emotion Emancipator, is a personal development coach, energy worker, author, and inspirational speaker. He holds certifications as a Happiness Champion and Infinite Possibilities Trainer.

Appio is a self-described crusader for joy. His work blends multiple disciplines to show everyone how they can embrace their personal power and experience clarity, emotional freedom, balance, inner peace, and joy every day. He is also co-host of the weekly podcast Real Men Feel along with his good friend and fellow coach Andy Grant. You can learn more about Appio at AppioHunter.com.

I Love When People Swear At Me

Really! I love it when people get so upset with me that they let the swears rip. Well, not in all cases. I’m not talking about road rage or bar brawls, but rather when I’m intentionally triggering people to take a look at themselves or challenging some limiting belief they might have.

I first discovered I enjoyed this with one of the earliest videos I posted around suicide six years ago. I share this story in my book, Still Here: How To Succeed In Life After Failing At Suicide, and when I speak about suicide prevention, but I’ve got a short video called The Best Way To Die and while some people comment thanking me for the video, the vast majority of comments are furious, swear-filled rants. At first, this really bothered me, but as I’ve gotten more comfortable with myself I’ve come to take a certain satisfaction in such comments. I know for at least a couple of minutes that the person writing has stopped beating themselves up, has stopped searching for a way to die and is directing their anger at my instead at only at themselves.
This morning I received an email titled, Fuck You. Needless to say it got my attention and I was thrilled to see that it was in response to the Real Men Feel podcast. I love that I have multiple platforms and messages triggering people into “hating” me for a moment as they are willing to open up to allowing more for them.
Please note: I’m still a fan of receiving pleasant emails too, so you don’t have to only swear at me.
The sort of emails I get
Thank you, Sean, and thanks to all the Real Men Feel listeners, readers, viewers, contributors and fans for being the men (and women) you are!

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About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Akashic Records Reader and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities and Reiki, as well as other leadership programs and energy work modalities.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing, and is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel, and he is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be. Learn more about Andy at NavitasCoach.com

New Warrior Training Adventure (NWTA) with The ManKind Project

This past weekend I took part in the signature program of the ManKind Project, the New Warrior Training Adventure (NWTA) weekend. I learned of it thanks to Real Men Feel when we spoke with Boysen Hodgson in episode #26.

I’ve been to dozens of multi-day personal growth events, but never one exclusively with men. I hoped I would gain some clarity around my working with men, and I was also looking forward to learning more about the ManKind Project and how they run an event as I do see live events for Real Men Feel some day soon.

I gained all of that and more… a LOT more. All my expectations were insanely exceeded.

As I like to do when I’m venturing off into the unknown, I made a “before” and “after” video. So here they are.

 Before NWTA – October 21, 2016

After NWTA – October 24, 2016

Check out NWTA, they are held all over the world, and sign up! I cannot recommend this enough!

I’ll share more in the October 25 episode of Real Men Feel which is being recorded live Tuesday at 8pm Eastern. If you join us live you’ll be able to share comments, ask questions and even be fully seen and heard as part of the show if you choose. We use a platform called Zoom and you’ll need to download some software the first time you use it. RealMenFeel.org/show

UPDATE: The show is live and you can check it out here.

The journey continues.

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About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Akashic Records Reader and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities and Reiki, as well as other leadership programs and energy work modalities.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing, and is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel, and he is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be. Learn more about Andy at NavitasCoach.com

What Does “Real Men Feel” Mean?

People often tell me the like the sound of “Real Men Feel” but then ask, what does it mean? Well, to me, it means a world where men and women see that being real, being authentic, being tough also means being emotional – as in being aware of your own emotions, being willing to feel them and express them too. It doesn’t always mean expressing them on video, but that is often how I choose to go so that others can see I’m still a man, even when I’m feeling.


This video was originally posted on my blog a couple of days ago. I showed it do my dad yesterday and he really liked it.

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About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Akashic Records Reader and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities and Reiki, as well as other leadership programs and energy work modalities.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing, and is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel, and he is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be. Learn more about Andy at NavitasCoach.com

Feeling Inadequate? Suck It Up! (or, Three Steps to Avoid Inferiority)

I saw an advertisement for a product called LifeStraw®, and it made me feel worthless.

The product is a “personal water filter,” and all you have to do (according to the Internet) is “place one end…into unfiltered water (a water bottle, river, or even a puddle) and suck clean water through the top of the straw.”

For a few minutes, I felt pretty sorry for myself. The people who invented this thing are incredible, I thought. Compared to what they’ve accomplished, what have I done for the human race?

Yes, a high-tech straw made me question my contribution to the world. Have I done anything to make the world a better place that’s as inventive and useful as the LifeStraw®? I mean, that product could be the difference between life and death for someone living in a place where uncontaminated water is scarce.

Have I or will I do anything as important?

We all have bouts of self-doubt, and it’s alright to want to give back to the world. The problem here is one of comparison. Do you regularly find yourself questioning your own worth compared to what others are doing? Here’s a three-step process you can use to rewire that inferiority complex.

First, remember that you’re not being fair to you when you compare yourself to others. Sure, there’s value in getting motivated by seeing what others have accomplished, but not to the point that it makes you depressed. At that point, you’re paralyzed. You won’t be able to grow, change, and achieve new things.

Second, think about the things you’ve accomplished in life, and focus on your unique set of skills and talents. Don’t get bogged down in how “big” or “small” you think your achievements may be, because that’s just more comparison. Concentrate on what you do well, and use that confidence to break free of self-doubt.

Third, don’t try to avoid feeling inadequate. Just work on changing your reaction to that feeling. Instead of getting down on yourself, replace self-critical thoughts with a new routine of solution-centered thinking. Consider what actions you can take to improve your skills to achieve the abilities of the person to whom you were comparing yourself. Set an achievable series of smaller goals that could lead to your desired result, and get moving!

Many of us get into the bad habit of self-criticism, but it’s never too late to turn your thinking into something more productive. 

And yes, I eventually remembered to stop letting that straw feel like I sucked.

Do you spend too much time obsessing about the skills you think you don’t possess or worrying about your legacy? If you can relate to this post, please leave a comment and share how you overcome feelings of inadequacy.

Featured image via eartheasy.com

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anthony simeoneAbout the Author
Anthony Simeone is a writer, speaker, personal development activist, and social change warrior with over two decades of experience studying the practical application of literature, philosophy, psychology, and other disciplines. The culmination of his work is the Live the Hero concept, which he offers as a “life path” for use in overcoming daily obstacles. Live the Hero combines the wisdom found in the arts and humanities with the latest discoveries related to modern neuroscience. You can contact Anthony and learn more about his work at livethehero.com.