Real Men Feel: Ep. 309, How Do You Speak to Yourself? | Words Matter

June 30, 2024

How Do You Speak to Yourself? | Words Matter 309 June 29, 2024

Today, we are exploring the power of words, especially the words we use when talking to ourselves. I’m going to share some tips on moving from belittling language to empowering phrases that you can use in your self-dialogue and conversations with others.

One of my favorite things about coaching clients is listening and noticing what words they repeat the most and then pointing out how often their own words are working against them.

Words have energy. Our words express our subconscious beliefs. They also express our thoughts, and thoughts become things. We put our words into the universe, and they are reflected back to us.

Here are the Big Shitty 5 – the most disempowering words and phrases we can all avoid for a better life.

  1. Have to/Need to: I have to….. all the things I need to do tomorrow. Feels heavy. We ALWAYS have a choice. We don’t HAVE to do anything. “Have to” is disempowering. I get to…. feels different, lighter, more empowering, upbeat, or at least neutral. Remove “have to” from your vocabulary. Elevate it even further with I am blessed to…. That comes from a place of deep gratitude, leadership, and ownership.
  2. Can’t: I can’t do this, that, whatever. This is not true. It is disqualifying language, saying we don’t have the capacity. I have the ability and power to make a new choice and change my life. Step into ownership and empowerment with my language. Alternatives—I choose not to, I don’t want to. Own Your Preference. I can’t really means I won’t (I’m scared, I’m resistant).
  3. This makes me: so sad, so angry, so…. anything. You make me… We are giving our power away, giving someone else power and agency over our emotional state. Nobody can make you feel any way without your permission. We don’t have control over lots of things in life, but we can control our choice to manage our emotions or not. My choice is how I interpret and internalize things in life. Alternatives – I feel sad, angry…. when I watch this… I get stressed out… I’m frustrated by…..  Express your feelings without blaming or pushing them off on someone else.
  4. Should: I should be more… Operating from judgment. There are always multiple possible outcomes, Judgment says there is only one acceptance outcome. Comparison is the thief of joy (I add this). Every result is meant to serve you. Should means we are outcome dependant and we miss the lesson from another outcome. Alternative – I’m committed to…. I want to…. I will! If should comes up often when talking to others. Say, when I was in that situation, I did x… I invite you to do….  Don’t should on yourself or others!
  5. Try: Yoda has been telling you this forever—do or do not, there is no try. Try already has the energy of giving up in it. Try implies doubt. Backdoor out in the language. I’ll make an effort, but I’m pretty sure that it won’t happen. It allows for giving up or failure from the start. Release the try and embrace the why. Declare and believe in what you are doing.

Listen here:

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How Do You Speak to Yourself? | Words Matter - Real Men Feel 309

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