Real Men Feel: Ep. 226, The Abuse of Men By Women

February 16, 2021

The Abuse of Men By Women Episode 226, February 16, 2021

Counselor, coach, and author, Ann Silvers, joins us to shine some light on the rarely discussed relationships which involve women abusing men. Domestic violence and emotional abuse don’t care about gender.

“Abuse isn’t always just one direction with a man being mean and a woman being victimized.” ~ Ann Silvers

One of the main drivers behind Real Men Feel is a willingness and need to have uncomfortable conversations. The discussions that most men aren’t having, but that all men can benefit from. Today’s show is one of those. We are talking about abusive relationships, but not the type you probably hear about often.

Ann Silvers shares how she slowly began to see the problem of women abusing men. She’s found 72 reasons behind such abuse. We are conditioned not to see women as abusive. The idea that men are liars while women are believable. That men are bad, and women are good, it colors too much of our expectations. It is strictly either/or thinking. The reality is that everything is on a continuum.

Ann explores how men get lured into narcissistic relationships and why they would stay in an abusive relationship. She speaks to the difference between a target and a victim when it comes to men’s abuse and the need to look for patterns without getting bogged down in why. She also talks about the push back she receives for daring to speak of these issues.

Highlights Include:

  • (1:01) How did you first get interested in the abuse of men in relationships?
  • (5:25) How might women abuse men?
  • (7:01) Is any type of abuse against men most common?
  • (7:41) Is any kind more harmful?
  • (8:16) I’ve long heard that all abusers have been abused, is prior abuse why women would abuse men?
  • (10:12) Does narcissism show up in emotional abuse too?
  • (15:05) Does any reason make it more likely than others that someone will be abusive?
  • (17:03) How does financial abuse show up?
  • (18:59) What about legal abuse?
  • (20:42) Are the laws and courts catching up with the fact abuse can go in both directions?
  • (22:55) What lures a man into such a relationship?
  • (26:49) Why do men stay in abusive relationships?
  • (27:41) Do abusers realize they are abusive?
  • (29:33) Why aren’t more people talking about the abuse of men?
  • (31:50) What do you suggest for a man who realizes he’s in an abusive relationship?
  • (36:47) Anything to share with women who see they are an abuser?
  • (41:58) Can couples recover from this and have the relationship survive?
  • (44:16) What can friends, family, society as a whole do regarding the abuse of men by women?
  • (48:17) What’s the best way for people to learn more about what you are up to?

“The entitlement we have going on right now in society is that women are entitled to treat men badly. You deserve it, so I get to do this.” ~ Ann Silvers

Grab the Real Men Feel Guide to Friendship for a list of places you can meet more male friends and get on the Real Men Feel weekly newsletter.

Listen here:

Learn more about Ann at
Connect with Ann on Twitter, Facebook, and LinkedIn.

See Ann’s book, Abuse Of Men By Women, and all her titles.
Resources mentioned:
Men’s Aid, UK:, ManKind Initiative, UK:, One In Three, Australia:

Need to talk about getting out of your own way? Visit


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Real Men Feel ep 226: The Abuse of Men by Women with guest, Ann Silvers

Photo by Gianfranco Grenar on Unsplash

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3 comments on “Real Men Feel: Ep. 226, The Abuse of Men By Women

  1. Raymond Council Feb 21, 2021

    When I first met my wife she was sweet and I adored, but when we got married she wanted control over my spending but here is the thing it was my money after giving her, her own, then she became distant she wouldn’t sleep with me unless I agreed to give her control over my life and the more I refuse the nastier she had become toward me the she started making up stories about me how I was bipolar and saying to her people I had the problem, now that I gave up on giving her anything she wants out but i was getting nothing in return for my loyalty and honesty so now she even went so far as to ask for help from the rental office telling them that her life is in danger and that she does not want to put me out because I threatened actions against her which is a lie I specifically to her that i by law has to let immigration know about the abandoning of the premises and that’s all I said. So do I go to the rental office and clear my name?

  2. Rod E Keays Apr 5, 2021

    Thank you for this important message. I am a bit surprised you and Ann have not heard of CAFE out of Toronto. They and The Canadian Centre for Men and their Families have been building a network of men’s shelters across Canada for several years. I would suggest you interview Justin Trottier at CAFE Toronto and get up to date on what is becoming a groundswell change in the ways men are treated in Canada.
    Again thanks for showing this important video,
    Rod Keays.
    CAFE Advisor.