Real Men Feel: Episode 59, The Good Athlete Project with Jim Davis

Real Men Feel - Good Athlete Project

The Good Athlete Project with Jim Davis Episode 59, May 9, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Appio Hunter is joined by Jim Davis, founder of The Good Athlete Project, to discuss the power of using sports in character and leadership development.

Jim Davis is a high school staff and student wellness director in Illinois as well as being an athlete, artist, poet, writer and founder of The Good Athlete Project. Jim is passionate about athletics and the arts and shatters so many stereotypes about being a “jock.” Jim doesn’t subscribe to any stereotypes, be it jock, artist, man or anything. Stereotypes, at the most basic level, are lazy thinking. At their worst level they are hateful and dangerous.

Jim explores the metaphor of an anchor and tether. What anchors someone is their absolute belief in an area of life and how much wiggle room there is. If we find out we’re wrong, we need to be willing and able to pick up and move our anchor.

“Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.” ~Abraham Lincoln

Jim also shares his path to bringing the Good Athlete Project into the world. As an athlete he did his best to influence and be good for his teammates. Then he pursed that positive influence as a coach, and then expanded that to coach other coaches to meet the needs of more students, and now scaling that model even further espousing character, culture, equity and service.

“Competing is showing off all the good work you’ve done.” ~ Jim Davis

The Good Athlete Project is an international, sports-based, non-profit focused on outreach, leadership training and research. The goal is maximizing athletics as an educational platform. Sports gone wrong is something that fuels Jim. The notion of “locker room” talk and similar poor outcomes of athletics. Sports has the power of momentum, and the Good Athlete Project wants to get in front of stigma inducing behavior.

Being tough does not mean talking tough or degrading women. We made up what “tough” looks like and we can remake it. Ideally there is no barrier to how much we can care about each other.

“If you are part of a team, you should never feel like there is no one to talk to.”~ Jim Davis

The interview wraps up with an interesting discussion on concussions and chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE).

#RealMenFeel

Learn more about the Good Athlete Project at – GoodAthleteProject.com

Connect with Good Athlete Project (coach4kindness) on Twitter or Instagram.

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Real Men Feel: Episode 55, What’s the Story Behind Middle-Age Men and Suicide?

Real Men Feel show

What’s the Story Behind Middle-Age Men and Suicide? with Franklin Cook, Episode 55, April 11, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant is joined by MassMen.org Outreach Director and Grief Coach, Franklin Cook, to discuss the implications of an expert report, “Preventing Suicide among Men in the Middle Years.”

Men in the middle years are defined as ages 35 – 64 and that group makes up 40% of the suicides in the United States. Andy and Franklin discuss some of the risk factors as well as some prevention techniques. Andy shares his personal experiences with suicidal thoughts and attempts.

“Feeling connected to one another is the most protective thing there is.” ~Franklin Cook

One challenge facing men is our very notion of masculinity. The traditional ideas of being independent, strong, and concealing our emotions can lead to men not seeking help for fear of seeming weak. Too many men are dying due to their belief of what being a man means. If your view of masculinity isn’t serving you, drop it and define a new one. It really is up to each of us.

“Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is ask for help.” ~Andy Grant

Andy’s wife, Lori, even joins us towards the end to share her take.

#RealMenFeel

See the SPRC’s full report – Preventing Suicide Among Men in the Middle Years.

Explore MassMen.org

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Real Men Feel: Episode 50, Internalized Homophobia

Real Men Feel

Internalized Homophobia, Episode 50, March 7, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter discuss the concept and share experiences of internalized homophobia. Thanks to an organic gathering of live listeners the perspectives of straight, gay and bisexual men are expressed.

Key topics include; that the put-down of “gay” has nothing to do with sexuality and is all about making someone feel “less” of a man, the notion of separation along many different attributes, and the fact that we are really of one race, the human race.

We also talk about how easy it is to mock a label or term you don’t understand, and that so many issues of attacking an “other” comes from a lack of self-love.

The backstory of this episode can be found in this post – Why Does Being Called ‘Gay’ Bother Me?

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Am I A Man?

Hi, I’m Andy and I’m a human male. That may be quite obvious when you see or hear me, but for a long time, I didn’t feel like a man. I questioned my manliness, my masculinity, and wondered why I never felt like a “real” man. I was sure if the true me was known that my mythical man card would be taken away.

I was an emotional child, a scared child who lived in dread of being picked on, pointed out, or even noticed. A hard look in my direction was often enough to bring on tears. I was anxious and on edge, which would eventually exhaust me into deep sadness and depression.

I was raised by a single mom, which made me feel like less of a man from the start. My mother always said I was such a good boy and somehow just knew what she wanted. I didn’t act out or get in trouble. This was in nursery and elementary school, my acting out came later.

I was afraid of being called on in school, not for getting an answer wrong, but for getting it right and being ostracized for being smart, or coming off as a teacher’s pet. I was afraid of being noticed on the playground. I was afraid of being made fun of at the bus stop. Without realizing it, fear ruled my life.

At the age of 20, while in a mental hospital, I remembered being molested by a neighbor when I was five years old. It was a bit of a relief to discover there was a reason for those years of not feeling safe. But it brought new worries and concerns: Since I was sexually abused by a man, was I gay? Since I was molested will I become a molester? Those fears and more played over and over in my head, but I never dared speak of them.

I thought real men were tough and stoic. So I pretended by being quiet, keeping to myself, and having few friends. I drank my way through high school and college—which seemed a very manly and accepted thing to do—but most nights, I ended up thinking my friends were just using me. I isolated myself in my room, under a bed, or literally in a closet on multiple occasions, crying.

This was no way to live, let alone being a man, so I tried to stop. I tried to stop living and attempted suicide multiple times in my teens and early 20s.

It was only years later that I began to see and respect my strengths: My resilience, my true toughness, my bravery and courage, my willingness and authenticity in feeling. I saw that the more I opened up and shared, the more others did too. My vulnerable risks were always rewarded. I began to think, maybe my willingness to feel is what really makes me a man? Hiding, resisting, and denying may appear to be traditional manliness but it is another aspect of fear.

What if the bravest thing you could do was cry? What if you felt strong enough to admit that you don’t have it all figured out? What if real men feel?

Originally published at GoodMenProject.com

***

About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Akashic Records Reader and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities and Reiki, as well as other leadership programs and energy work modalities.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing, and is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups and is a contributor at the GoodMenProject. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel, and he is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be. Learn more about Andy at TheAndyGrant.com

Real Men Feel: Episode 47, What I Learned About Men Working As An Escort with guest, Deva Logan

What I Learned About Men While Working As An Escort with Deva Logan, Episode 47, February 13, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined once again by the Vixen Goddess, Deva Logan, to share the top five things she learned about men while working as an escort. As a special Valentines Day treat, Deva also leads us through a masters class in oral sex.

If explicit language bothers you, stay away from this episode. If you are cool with it, and are ready to love that pussy and dick, enjoy!

“If men decided and accepted that there masculinity was established at birth and they could be whoever the fuck they wanted to be, life would be much easier.” Deva Logan

#RealMenFeel

Connect with Deva at Facebook.com/DevaLogan, Twitter @devathegoddess, and Instagram DevaTheGoddess

Catch Deva’s first appearance on Real Men Feel – Episode 44: Open Relationships

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Real Men Feel: Episode 46, The Evolved Masculine with guest, Destin Gerek

Real Men Feel - Destin Gerek

The Evolved Masculine with Destin Gerek, Episode 46, February 7, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by Destin Gerek to talk about the archetype of the Evolved Masculine, what it means and making a positive impact on the world. We also delve into the notion of toxic masculinity, the power of experience, that Trump guy, the need to hold up what is right not only call out what is wrong, and much more.

Destin shares some of his own journey, including the realization that the version of masculinity shown to him while growing up wasn’t for him, and his time living the Erotic Rockstar life.

Destin calls on all good men in the world to claim their fucking power! “The more I serve, the more I receive.”

#RealMenFeel

Check out the Evolved Masculine Blueprint

Connect with Destin on Facebook.

Tune in to Destin’s show The Evolved Masculine: Redefining Sex, Power & Success – Destin Gerek

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This week’s recommend book – The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem by Nathaniel Branden

Let us know what you thought here in the comments or shoot an email to realmenfeel@gmail.com

 

 

Real Men Feel: Episode 45, The Good Men Project with guest, Michael Kasdan

Real Men Feel show

The Good Men Project, Episode 45, January 31, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by Director of Special Projects, Michael Kasdan, who shares just what the heck the Good Men Project is and how it might help you. Michael shares the background and current state of GMP, as well as some of his own journey.

Despite some Internet connection problems, we believe all the core points from Michael made it into the show.

The Good Men Project, which began as a book, is a participatory media company having the conversation that no one else is having. It is much more than an online magazine of men’s issues, it is building a community of people looking to change the world.

#RealMenFeel

Check out the GoodMenProject.com

#NotWeakJustHuman PSA

Connect with Michael on Facebook or Twitter.

Andy has become a contributing writer, see his articles.

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Man Up

I was exposed to this spoken word poem, “Ten Responses to the Phrase ‘Man Up’ ” and Guante just a couple of days ago, like many other people, as a recent video of this performance was shared and has hit over 5 million views on Facebook.

Below is the version he prefers, so that’s the one I’m sharing. I know I’ve said #1 and #10, though I’m honestly not sure if it was ever out loud or not.

 

TEN RESPONSES TO THE PHRASE “MAN UP”

1. Fuck you.

2. If you want to question my masculinity, like a schoolyard circle of curses, like a swordfight with lightsaber erections, save your breath. Because contrary to what you may believe, not every problem can be solved by “growing a pair.” You can’t arm-wrestle your way out of chemical depression. The CEO of the company that just laid you off does not care how much you bench. And I promise, there is no lite beer in the universe full-bodied enough to make you love yourself.

3. Man up? Oh that’s that new superhero, right? Mild-mannered supplement salesman Mark Manstrong says the magic words “MAN UP,” and then transforms into THE FIVE O’CLOCK SHADOW, the massively-muscled, deep-voiced, leather-duster-wearing super-man who defends the world from, I don’t know, feelings.

4. Of course. Why fight to remove our chains, when we can simply compare their lengths? Why step outside the box, when the box has these bad-ass flame decals on it? We men are cigarettes: dangerous, and poisonous, and stupid.

5. You ever notice how nobody ever says “woman up?” They just imply it. Because women and the women’s movement figured out a long time ago that being directly ordered around by commercials, magazines and music is dehumanizing. When will men figure that out?

6. The phrase “Man Up” suggests that competence and perseverance are uniquely masculine traits. That women—not to mention any man who doesn’t eat steak, drive a pickup truck, have lots of sex with women—are nothing more than background characters, comic relief, props. More than anything, though, it suggests that to be yourself—whether you, wear skinny jeans, listen to Lady Gaga, rock a little eyeliner, drink some other brand of light beer, or write poetry—will cost you.

7. How many boys have to kill themselves before this country acknowledges the problem? How many women have to be assaulted? How many trans people have to be murdered? We teach boys how to wear the skin of a man, but we also teach them how to raise that skin like a flag and draw blood for it.

8. Boy babies get blue socks. Girl babies get pink socks. What about purple? What about orange, yellow, chartreuse, cerulean, black, tie-dyed, buffalo plaid, rainbow…

9. I want to be free, to express myself. Man up. I want to have meaningful, emotional relationships with my brothers. Man up. I want to be weak sometimes. Man up. I want to be strong in a way that isn’t about physical power or dominance. Man up. I want to talk to my son about something other than sports. Man up. I want to be who I am. Man up.

10. No.

I have inquired about him being on Real Men Feel, but he’s a very busy man at the moment. Stay tuned.

***

About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Akashic Records Reader and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities and Reiki, as well as other leadership programs and energy work modalities.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing, and is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel, and he is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be. Learn more about Andy at NavitasCoach.com

Real Men Feel: Ep. 32, New Warrior Training Adventure Report

Real Men Feel

New Warrior Training Adventure Weekend Report, Episode 32, October 25, 2016

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant shares his recent experience attending the ManKind Project’s New Warrior Training Adventure (NWTA) weekend. The short version is: Go do it!

Andy shares without giving spoilers and after attending 40, live, multi-day, personal growth events in the last eight years, the NWTA sits strongly in the top two. This is strong, deep, work that allowed Andy to never be more comfortable in his own skin and never to feel safer with a group of men. WARNING: Lots of open, honest, swear-filled talk this week.

Listen to our interview with the ManKind Project’s Boysen Hodgson, Episode 26, SEP 7, 2016

Learn more about the ManKind Project and their New Warrior Training Adventure at mankindproject.org

#RealMenFeel

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See my “before” and “after” videos.

Below is my picture from the start of the weekend on the left, and the end of the weekend on the right, along with my animal name; Fun-Loving Chipmunk.

My beginning and ending photos

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Real Men Feel: Ep. 16, Living Heroically with guest Anthony Simeone

Real Men Feel Podcast

Living Heroically and the Hero’s Journey with guest Anthony Simeone, Episode 16, June 21, 2016
On this episode of Real Men Feel, hosts Andy Grant and Appio Hunter, discuss the hero’s journey, myth, and masculinity with guest Anthony Simeone  of LiveTheHero.com.

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