Real Men Feel: Ep. 82, Dads Behaving Dadly

Dads Behaving Dadly with Hogan Hilling Episode 82, February 20, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by author, Hogan Hilling, to discuss the shifting roles of fatherhood. Hilling is the author of the Dads Behaving Dadly series and also the founder of the #WeLoveDads Campaign and United We Parent.

“One of the biggest assumptions is that a guy is a stay-at-home dad as a last resort. That he had no choice.” ~Hogan Hilling

Hogan’s mission is to dispel the unfair stigma of dads as incompetent parents and more importantly prove Fatherhood Is Alive and Well! He loved being a full-time caregiver to his kids, but everyone around him kept telling him it was wrong. He got tired of defending himself and having to justify his choices in ways stay-at-home moms never have to.

“I haven’t lost any masculinity by staying home!”

Topics Covered Include:

  • The stigma stay-at-home dads face.
  • What assumptions are made about stay-at-home dads?
  • The one thing Hogan focuses on as a father.
  • “Coming out of the pantry.”
  • Dads are not replacements for moms.
  • The power and benefits of dad support groups.
  • The danger and splintering of so many parent support groups.
  • What are the dynamics for stepdads?
  • What does behaving “dadly” mean?
  • What is Hogan’s best advice for new dads?
  • #WeLoveDads campaign
  • Dad Marketing

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There is still a bias that moms are much better parents than dads. That dads are inept as caregivers and parents. That is why many men are still hesitant to come out of the pantry.

All parents need to drop the adjectives before their names: stay-at-home dad, working mom, gay dad, stepfather…follow the leads of your kids who only introduce you as dad.

Check out Hogan’s book, Dads Behaving Dadly: 67 Truths, Tears and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood
See all of Hogan’s books

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Real Men Feel ep 82

Real Men Feel: Ep. 80, Spirituality or Religion; What’s the Difference?

Spiritual Path or Religious Path; What’s the Difference? Episode 80, February 13, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by author and speaker, Kallen Diggs, to discuss our experiences with religion and spirituality. Are they the same thing? Hear first-hand adventures with numerous faiths including; Pentecostal, Mormonism, and even Scientology. Uh oh, wait just a minute – Kallen had major internet challenges and never made it to Real Men Feel, but the show must go on!

See Kallen’s post that prompted the conversation – Spirituality or Religion? How to Discover What’s Good for Your Soul

“It is not about the label. It is about nurturing the soul.” ~Kallen Diggs

Topics Covered Include:

  • Andy and Appio discuss their childhoods from a religious perspective.
  • Appio shares some of his experience with Mormonism.
  • Andy talks about his brief time in Scientology.
  • Why are more people calling themselves spiritual instead of religious?
  • What stands out as moments of “awakening?”
  • Appio touches on conversion therapy.
  • Anything you do now that you thought was total BS years ago?
  • Can you see yourself returning to organized religion?

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There is no single right or wrong path. Find the way that brings you the most joy and stick with it as long as that is true.

Is there any way you can root yourself more in the realm of love?
As traditional religions got more organized and gained more control, they’ve moved away from the love they were rooted in and more into fear.

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.” ~ Meister Eckhart

 

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Real Men Feel: Ep. 79, Exploring The Men School

Exploring The Men School with Jan Darwin Hutchins Episode 79, February 6, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter discover the path to the creation of The Men School, a school dedicated to cultivating the divine masculine in all of us with Jan Darwin Hutchins.

“Why, after having been a lone wolf all my life, did I feel so alone?” ~Jan Darwin Hutchins

Jan was successful at a young age, living the dream as a TV sports anchor, yet he felt rather empty. In his 50s he realized he had made no real friends over his life. An experience witnessing the support a dying friend received from a men’s group made him realize he was not alone and that he could trust other men. He discovered there was an initiation he could do to become one of those men. Jan did it and confirmed that he was not alone, didn’t need to be alone and could trust men.

“The problem with life is there is no end to the problems.”

Topics Covered Include:

  • Jan’s background including TV news, politics, yoga and more.
  • What lead to the creation of The Men School?
  • The masks we all wear.
  • The need for and benefits of doing the inner work.
  • The power of men’s groups.
  • The current state of The Men’s School and plans for the future.
  • Do we ever graduate from Men School?
  • Jan shares some research on wolves in Yellowstone.
  • OKness and presence.
  • The MankindProject
  • How does a man find his truth?
  • Is life simple or hard?

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All three men answer the question: If there was one thing you could teach or make all men aware of, what would it be?

TheMenSchool
“We are a learning community cultivating the sacred deep masculine in us all.”
As social animals, we require a source of stabilization from outside ourselves. Our shared connections and, co-corrections, literally keep us sane.

TheMenSchool is here to:
—keep learning to model the divine masculine
—see you excel in your individual life

When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100% of the time.~Byron Katie

Check out Robert Johnson’s book, We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love
Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

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Real Men Feel: Ep. 78, Working Through Upset and Reactions

Working Through Upset and Reactions Episode 78, January 30, 2018

This week Andy Grant goes solo with a member of the RMF private Facebook group who was upset with him and wanted to leave the group.

True to the title of the show, we bring some internal upset out into the light.

Last month, in the private Real Men Feel group on Facebook, one of our men took offense with something that Andy shared there. It was a video from a group of guys called The Try Guys.

Andy says: I had shared a video from them before and it was well received. I admit I hesitated about this but obviously decided to post it. The first comment on the video in the group was – “This is disgusting. I’m leaving the group.”

I was horrified that something I shared had driven a man to leave. It was a man I don’t recall ever speaking up before which made me feel even worse. I wondered what to do, to leave it be, reach out to him… I noticed he hadn’t left yet so I asked via reply to his comment if he would be willing to come on RMF in 2018 to talk about this.

He agreed. So here we are.

Comments in group

 

Topics Covered Include:

  • What offended you about that video?
  • The positives and negatives of Facebook.
  • Stereotypes about masculinity.
  • Andy’s reaction to Steve saying he was leaving the group.
  • What drew you to the Real Men Feel group to begin with?
  • Had Steve ever listened to this show?
  • The courage it takes to speak up.
  • The coolest thing Steve’s learned from all the men’s groups he’s in.
  • The struggle of knowing what masculinity is.
  • Steve’s definition of masculinity.
  • Steve’s background and personal story.
  • The benefits of being in a men’s group.
  • What’s the least “manly” thing you do?

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Here is the video in that brought up the turmoil.

Steve shares a great deal about his journey and why he questioned his manhood and what makes someone a man.

“Those guys who have it all together, he’s so manly, he’s so cool… once you get to know them they’ve got just as many issues as you do. All men are created equal.” ~Steve

Being a man means you doubt being a man at some point.

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Real Men Feel ep. 78

Real Men Feel: Ep. 77, Celebrating Masculine Power

Celebrating Masculine Power Episode 77, January 23, 2018

At a time when masculinity seems under attack, it is important to remember that good men owning their power can be a fantastic positive force for everyone. This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by fulfillment coach and speaker, Sean-Patrick Maher, to discuss how men can embrace their power and create deeper connections with themselves and others.

A key to men owning their power is operating more from their heart and less from their head.

The conversation begins with Andy sharing that he blew off Sean-Patrick last year, but that he was impressed by Sean-Patrick’s reaction and was eager to get him on the show once Real Men Feel was flowing again. The interaction was a great example of men communication with openness and honesty.

“Being grounded, heart-centered, and connected to all parts of myself is the greatest gift I can give to the world.” ~Sean-Patrick Maher

Topics Covered Include:

  • Authenticity and integrity
  • The fear of showing up in our full “manness” today
  • The importance of operating from the heart over the head
  • Awareness
  • How to get into your heart
  • What Sean-Patrick was taught about being a man
  • What being an integrated man means
  • The Heart-Math Institute
  • Toxic masculinity and the fear that all expression of masculinity is labeled “toxic”
  • The power and problems of labels
  • The MankindProject

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Masculine energy is not only domination and patriarchy. That is a distorted aspect of masculine energy. An excellent discussion unfolded on labels, language, masculine/feminine, and mindset. Allowing ourselves and others to flow on a spectrum of labels can be liberating, but if we ever think we ARE the label, that brings trouble.

Being an integrated man, allowing full access to our femininity and seeing the strength of our masculinity as equally beautiful and powerful is the sweet spot.

“Let our hearts be the laison for everything entering and exiting our field.” ~Sean-Patrick Maher

Check out Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success

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Learn more about Sean-Patrick at SeanPatrickMaher.com

More on this theme – You’ve Got a Goddess Inside You, Chuck!

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Follow your heart


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Real Men Feel: Ep. 76, Praising the President or Trumpeting Trump

Men Praising President Trump Episode 76, January 16, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter invited supporters of President Trump to join them for an hour of conversation and listening. It was challenging to find men willing to speak up and be seen; many feel under attack for their political views. We promised to ask questions and listen. Our goal was an open and honest conversation among men.

Great thanks and appreciation to our guests, Buddy Carchide of New Hampshire, and Tony Crisostomo of Arizona, for taking part in this experiment, as well as to all the men who considered being on the show. We hit a lot of different topics and could have continued talking for hours.

“Biggest problem is that there is NO discussion, just name calling. The art of conversation has been lost. We all want to make a better country.”

Questions Included:

  • When did you get on board with candidate Donald Trump?
  • Is building a wall along our southern border a priority to you?
  • What are you proudest or happiest with regarding the Trump administration in its first year?
  • What are you most disappointed in or by?
  • What are your thoughts on “Fake News?”
  • Regarding the investigations into Russian meddling in the election and possible collusion with the Trump campaign – do you think there is anything there?
  • What about the current controversy over Trump’s alleged “shithole” comments?
  • What do you feel is the biggest issue the President has yet to address?
  • What are you most looking forward to in the next year of this administration?
  • Do you think politics in general and the presidency, in particular, are changed forever?
  • Will we ever go back to a career politician, who acts “presidential”?

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Our guests have been Trump fans from the very start and saw him as someone who says what he’ll do and does what he says. Putting America first is not selfish or Naziism. They admire that President Trump doesn’t care what anyone thinks about him, and they are glad he’s on Twitter, talking directly to the people.

The guys don’t like being called racist, bigot, or homophobe. “I just have a different way to get to the same place. We all want to improve our country.”

“We have much love and much respect for all the country. Our differences make us great. We are all part of the American soul.”

Everyone involved wished for more understanding.

Our conversation was rambunctious and surprisingly laugh-filled. We can all get along.

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Official Portrait of President Donald Trump
By Shealah Craighead – https://www.whitehouse.gov/the-press-office/2017/10/31/white-house-releases-official-portraits-president-donald-j-trump-and, Public Domain, Link


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Real Men Feel: Ep. 75, Reactions to Sexual Harassment, #MeToo and #TimesUp

Real Men Feel: Reactions to Sexual Harassment, #MeToo and #TimesUp Episode 75, January 9, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter lead their second open call to discuss the tsunami of sexual harassment charges and the aftermath. Last month the discussion was among five men, this time we opened the call up to women as well.

Since our first conversation, sexual misconduct charges have swept the ESPN, NFL Network, Celebrity chefs, the New York City Ballet, London’s Royal Philharmonic … it has only been three months since the first accusations against Harvey Weinstein were made public. This is so far beyond any industry or workplace. This is impacting every part of society.

Director Morgan Spurlock owned up to his past bad behavior before any public accusations were made because of the anxiety he felt waiting for him to become the next man down. In the last month, Al Franken has left the Senate, and Roy Moore lost his bid to join the Senate.

We being by discussing what will society look like once the backlash calms down with Kenny Earl, Boysen Hodgson, and Lori Grant. What might the new standard be once we reach a balance point? It will probably be once women realize harassment is no longer happening, but how long will it take? Might sexual harassment be as antiquated as an 8-track tape someday?


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The conversation touches on the toxicity of social media, Sebastian Junger’s book Tribe, the notion of men not being evolved, and the entrenchment of patriarchy (not only among men).

The problem isn’t men in power. It is so many broken men in power. ~Andy Grant

One suggestion for men to realize how pervasive sexual harassment is is for one day at work not say anything to a woman that they wouldn’t say to a man.

Our lone female participant did not appreciate using the term backlash for men who have raped and assaulted women. Raping someone twenty years ago, but not having it come out until today doesn’t make it okay.

That’s not backlash, that’s fricking justice – Lori Grant

If you haven’t seen Oprah’s speech at the Golden Globes, it is worth watching. And if you have seen it, it’s worth watching again.
https://www.facebook.com/oprahmagazine/videos/10150951415064944/

Men, we need you to be phenomenal.

phe·nom·e·nal/fəˈnämənəl/ — adjective

  • 1. very remarkable; extraordinary: “the town expanded at a phenomenal rate” synonyms: remarkable, exceptional, extraordinary, amazing, astonishing, … more antonyms: ordinary
  • 2. perceptible by the senses or through immediate experience: “the phenomenal world.”

Resources and References

Justin Baldoni – Why I’m Done Trying To Be Man Enough

Vanity Fair – Brotopia: Silicon Valley Secretive Orgiastic Inner Sanctum

Men Accused Since Weinstein

Learn more about Time’s Up and add your name to the Letter of Solidarity.

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Times Up

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RMF 72, Real Men React: The Onslaught of Sexual Harassment Charges

Real Men React to Sexual Harassment, Episode 72, December 5, 2017

With the depth and speed of sexual harassment charges, firings, apologies, denials etc. RMF has been wanting a discussion with other men to talk about our reactions to all of this. Andy’s has continually been; “What the fuck?!”

Real Men Feel’s Andy Grant and Appio Hunter, lead a frank discussion with three guys from the private RMF Facebook Group; Anthony Simeone from Gen X Men podcast, Boysen Hodgson of the MankindProject, & Kenny Earl of his own bad self.

This recent cycle began in early October with a New York Times investigation on accusations of sexual harassment and assault against movie producer, Harvey Weinstein dating back to 1990.

See Our Prior Show on Sexual Harassment

#RealMenFeel

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MeToo
Photo by Mihai Surdu on Unsplash

No More Sexual Harassment

 

Real Men Feel

Real Men Feel: Episode 59, The Good Athlete Project with Jim Davis

Real Men Feel - Good Athlete Project

The Good Athlete Project with Jim Davis Episode 59, May 9, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Appio Hunter is joined by Jim Davis, founder of The Good Athlete Project, to discuss the power of using sports in character and leadership development.

Jim Davis is a high school staff and student wellness director in Illinois as well as being an athlete, artist, poet, writer and founder of The Good Athlete Project. Jim is passionate about athletics and the arts and shatters so many stereotypes about being a “jock.” Jim doesn’t subscribe to any stereotypes, be it jock, artist, man or anything. Stereotypes, at the most basic level, are lazy thinking. At their worst level they are hateful and dangerous.

Jim explores the metaphor of an anchor and tether. What anchors someone is their absolute belief in an area of life and how much wiggle room there is. If we find out we’re wrong, we need to be willing and able to pick up and move our anchor.

“Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.” ~Abraham Lincoln

Jim also shares his path to bringing the Good Athlete Project into the world. As an athlete he did his best to influence and be good for his teammates. Then he pursed that positive influence as a coach, and then expanded that to coach other coaches to meet the needs of more students, and now scaling that model even further espousing character, culture, equity and service.

“Competing is showing off all the good work you’ve done.” ~ Jim Davis

The Good Athlete Project is an international, sports-based, non-profit focused on outreach, leadership training and research. The goal is maximizing athletics as an educational platform. Sports gone wrong is something that fuels Jim. The notion of “locker room” talk and similar poor outcomes of athletics. Sports has the power of momentum, and the Good Athlete Project wants to get in front of stigma inducing behavior.

Being tough does not mean talking tough or degrading women. We made up what “tough” looks like and we can remake it. Ideally there is no barrier to how much we can care about each other.

“If you are part of a team, you should never feel like there is no one to talk to.”~ Jim Davis

The interview wraps up with an interesting discussion on concussions and chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE).

#RealMenFeel

Learn more about the Good Athlete Project at – GoodAthleteProject.com

Connect with Good Athlete Project (coach4kindness) on Twitter or Instagram.

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Real Men Feel: Episode 55, What’s the Story Behind Middle-Age Men and Suicide?

Real Men Feel show

What’s the Story Behind Middle-Age Men and Suicide? with Franklin Cook, Episode 55, April 11, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant is joined by MassMen.org Outreach Director and Grief Coach, Franklin Cook, to discuss the implications of an expert report, “Preventing Suicide among Men in the Middle Years.”

Men in the middle years are defined as ages 35 – 64 and that group makes up 40% of the suicides in the United States. Andy and Franklin discuss some of the risk factors as well as some prevention techniques. Andy shares his personal experiences with suicidal thoughts and attempts.

“Feeling connected to one another is the most protective thing there is.” ~Franklin Cook

One challenge facing men is our very notion of masculinity. The traditional ideas of being independent, strong, and concealing our emotions can lead to men not seeking help for fear of seeming weak. Too many men are dying due to their belief of what being a man means. If your view of masculinity isn’t serving you, drop it and define a new one. It really is up to each of us.

“Sometimes the bravest thing you can do is ask for help.” ~Andy Grant

Andy’s wife, Lori, even joins us towards the end to share her take.

#RealMenFeel

See the SPRC’s full report – Preventing Suicide Among Men in the Middle Years.

Explore MassMen.org

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