Real Men Feel: Ep. 92, Is Life Simple or Hard?

Is Life Simple or Hard? Episode 92, May 1, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter engage in a lively discussion with Jan Darwin Hutchins, the founder of The Men School, on whether life is simple or hard, and what can be done to make the hard parts easier. Jan was on the show back in February talking about The Men School and divine masculinity. During that show, he stated something that didn’t sit well with Andy.

“The problem with life is there is no end to the problems.” ~Jan Darwin Hutchins

Jan was invited back to dig deeper into that idea because Andy saw it as a fatalistic and depressing worldview. The result was an upbeat, philosophical conversation with lots of practical advice. Life isn’t this or that; it is everything. Life is the grey area; the journey, not the destination.

Topics Covered Include:

  • Is life simple?
  • Is life hard?
  • Is it both?
  • Offsetting the suffering
  • Black and white thinking
  • Expectations and stories
  • Truth and authenticity
  • A very high-level spin on Buddhism
  • Jordan Peterson
  • Power of breath
  • Why Andy stopped trying to die
  • The constant state of change
  • Doing what you can do, want to do, and should do
  • What is one tip for a man struggling with life’s challenges?

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We live in a world of problems. How we deal with them is the key to how we feel about our lives.

Most of what we believe is not true. They are shared beliefs, or stories, serving as group distractions. They can keep us stuck or empower us.

“Joy by itself isn’t very much fun. There needs to be a Point B to add juice to life. Joy and happiness are a fortunate happening during a day or a life.” – Jan Darwin Hutchins

All three men give tips for men in the depths of life feeling like shit.

Check out Robert Johnson’s books:
We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love
He: Understanding Masculine Psychology
She: Understanding Feminine Psychology

Join The Men School on Facebook

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Real Men Feel with Jan Darwin Hutchins

 

Real Men Feel: Ep. 91, Conscious Sexuality and Sexual Healing

Conscious Sexuality and Sexual Healing Episode 91, April 24, 2018

This week Andy Grant is joined by writer, podcaster, and coach, Jonti Searll, from South Africa. He has been working in the field of Conscious Sexuality for almost 20 years, creating healing processes, workshops and material that has helped many people create fulfilling experiences and relationships. Jonti shares his journey from aspiring Rabbi to sexuality coach in a very conservative society.

“Orgasm is a trap for men. That creates sex that is performance-based, not pleasure based.” ~Jonti Searll

Orgasms are wonderful, but that is not all there is. We can create possibilities for pleasure, in relationships, in health and all aspects of life. We can access and use our sexual energy as a force for healing, growth, meditation, creativity, and change. Our sexuality connects to all aspects of ourselves and our lives. As we remove our sexual blockages and allow more of that energy to flow, we allow all other energies to flow as we become more conscious, more connected and more alive.

Topics Covered Include:

  • Tell about your podcast, SexTalk.
  • What is Conscious Sexuality?
  • How did you first get involved with this?
  • Jonti’s creative process.
  • Is South Africa an open and inviting country for this sort of work?
  • Is sexuality more than sex?
  • What is our Sexual Energy?
  • What are some examples of sexual healing?
  • How do you see porn impacting sexuality?
  • What sort of workshops and events do you lead?
  • What is loving touch?
  • Do men touch enough?
  • The top six things people want in communication.

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“Porn and chick flicks are both fantasy worlds.” ~Jonti Searll

Most men have a friction-based goal for sex. The goal should be pleasure.

See the post that first caught Andy’s eye – Loving Men.

Our sexuality is linked to all of who we are; our sexual energy is our life-force. Releasing the blockages we’ve created and freeing ourselves from the limitations of the past allows us to create lives, relationships, and experiences of incredible beauty.

Our sexual energy is a force for not only personal transformation but has the power to be used to change our world. This is Jonti’s mission.

Learn more about Jonti at ErosLife.co.za.
Check out his SexTalk Podcast.
Connect with Jonti on Facebook, Twitter or YouTube.

#RealMenFeel

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Real Men Feel with Jonti Searll

 

Real Men Feel: Ep. 90, What is MGTOW?

What is MGTOW? with MGTOW Universe Episode 90, April 17, 2018

This week Andy Grant is joined by a man who goes by the name, “MGTOW Universe,” to share his thoughts on what MGTOW is and isn’t. If you aren’t familiar with the term, MGTOW stands for Men Going Their Own Way. This show is a follow up to Men Going Their Own Way with Anthony Simeone, which we did last month and got lots of comments on YouTube and Soundcloud. Even though most of them simply attacked and called me names, Real Men Feel did find some men we could engage with.

“To be a man today, when communicating with women, is extremely dangerous. It can destroy you.” ~MGTOW Universe

After hearing that MGTOW was a group of angry men who hate women and blame them for everything, Andy was eager to have a conversation with someone involved in MGTOW. At the core, MGTOW is concerned with male disposability and believes that society doesn’t care about men and that women are not held accountable. They think that any man who looks at the pros and cons of being in a relationship with a woman, removing all emotion, will see the sane and obvious choice is not to get involved.

Topics Covered Include:

  • What is MGTOW?
  • How did you first get involved with it?
  • Why do you hide your identity?
  • Do you speak for yourself or are you representing MGTOW?
  • Is there a leader or founder?
  • What is the goal of MGTOW?
  • Is this good for society?
  • This seems like a very defensive stance, why?
  • Is this an asexual or homosexual lifestyle?
  • What is your definition of feminism?
  • What would it take for you to believe that society cares about men?

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“We offer men and boys a world of traps. Most men will get fucked.” ~MGTOW Universe

MGTOW U says that we’ve been conditioned to believe that marriage is fulfilling, but emotions change — it is just too risky. Every relationship ends and most end in court which is a system that is entirely biased against men.

Sadly, MGTOWs don’t believe any of the problems they point out can be fixed, so they withdraw and “go their own way.” In the end, MGTOW struck Andy as an extremely pessimistic worldview, but he agreed with MU that society needs to listen to angry men; before it is too late.

See MGTOW Universe on YouTube, or connect with him on Twitter.

Other comments from MGTOWs:

it’s extremely clear that if a male can be happy as a single male..it is most prudent to adopt that as a life trait. If a male can be happy without any or any more children..it is most prudent to refrain from procreating.
And there you have the sum and total of the “MGTOW” mindset. It’s just Men with Feelings..who have certain Facts right.
For two generations we’ve raised girls to believe they don’t need men to be happy. Men go MGTOW and everyone loses their shit.
Here in mgtow we get attacked so much that the default position is defense.
Our goal is to help men find peace in a world that hates them.

#RealMenFeel

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RMF with MGTOW Universe

 

Real Men Feel: Ep. 89, Exploring Father Wounds and Mother Wounds with Rick Belden

Exploring Father Wounds and Mother Wounds with Rick Belden Episode 89, April 10, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by author, poet, artist, and coach, Rick Belden, to discuss men and difficult relationships with their fathers (Father Wound) or mothers (Mother Wound).

“It is an iterative process. The wound and the healing. Both are in layers.” ~Rick Belden

A Father Wound or Mother Wound may be thought of as injury to the psyche of a child resulting from significant dysfunction or disruption in relationship with a parent. In some cases, it is the result of a parent’s absence or unavailability due to death, illness, adoption, or other circumstances that dramatically separate the child from the parent. But more typically, a Father Wound or Mother Wound is a complex of injuries to the child’s psyche received over many years, often as a result of the parent acting, consciously or not, out of his or her own woundedness.

Topics Covered Include:

  • What first got you first with men’s work?
  • What do you mean by father wound and mother wound?
  • Is one more prevalent than the other?
  • How do these wounds impact men?
  • Do all men have these wounds?
  • How did you get involved with poetry?
  • Is there a particular process for healing such wounds?
  • Tips on mindfulness and journaling.
  • The benefits Rick has experienced from being part of men’s groups.
  • The great example of a Father Wound found in Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade.
  • We realized after the show that Ordinary People is a great movie to see a Mother Wound.

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“There are not nearly enough groups for men. Our culture would be transformed if any man could easily walk into a men’s group.” ~Rick Belden

You know you’re making headway when you can see your parents as individuals, not just as your parents. They are separate individuals with flaws, goals, motivations… they are human.

So much of this work is grief work. The entry is often anger, but getting into the grief of your childhood is the deepest work.

Check out Rick’s first book of poetry: Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood

You can learn more about Rick’s Coaching for Men at RickBeldenCoaching.com

#RealMenFeel

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Real Men Feel with Rick Belden

 

Real Men Feel: Ep. 88, Masculine Emotional Intelligence is Not an Oxymoron with Owen Marcus

Masculine Emotional Intelligence is Not an Oxymoron with Owen Marcus Episode 88, April 3, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by author, speaker, and coach, Owen Marcus, to talk about men and emotions, men’s groups, and other tools for men to build remarkable lives. Men are leaving behind the duality of being macho OR sensitive. It doesn’t have to be either/or.

“What holds us back from being Remarkable is how we matured as men.” ~Owen Marcus

Owen shares his experience with 20 years of men’s groups up to his current venture, EvryMan.co, which is out to engage more men with the power of brotherhood, authenticity, and vulnerability. There are a connection and relief that happens when a man discovers he is no more messed up than every other man.

Topics Covered Include:

  • What got you first involved with men’s work?
  • Why do so many men struggle emotionally?
  • What was your experience with the first meeting of your first men’s group?
  • What is masculine emotional intelligence?
  • What made you such a fan of Men’s Groups?
  • How men’s groups are saving lives.
  • What is the ultimate goal for EvryMan.co?
  • Owen’s TEDx Talk  –What 10,000 Years Of Progress Has Cost
  • Owen’s #1 tip for any man feel isolated and stuck.

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“As men we aren’t bad or broken… we never were taught what we needed to become the Remarkable Men – that we want to be.” ~Owen Marcus

Most men were never taught how to feel. They were told not to feel. They’ve become disconnected from their intuition and emotions. Unfortunately for many men, they won’t reach out until their pain is greater than their fear.

Grab Owen’s book: Grow Up: A Man’s Guide to Masculine Emotional Intelligence™ – the 9 Steps to releasing the Remarkable Man within You
#RealMenFeel

You can learn more about Owen at OwenMarcus.com
Look for a men’s group near you at EvryMan.co

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Real Men Feel with Owen Marcus

 

Real Men Feel: Ep. 87, Moving to UnHidden from Hidden with Robert Kandell

Moving to UnHidden from Hidden with Robert Kandell Episode 87, March 27, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by coach, podcast host, and author, Robert Kandell, to talk about the gap in communication between men and women, the facades we wear, and how we can be less hidden in all of our relationships.

Robert shares a lot of knowledge and stories as he talks about his twenty-year journey to being an amazing person. Today, men don’t know who to be. Many are giving up instead of upping their game. And women are noticing.

“All genders co-created the current situation. Women are as reasonable for patriarchy as men.” ~Robert Kandell

The world is opening for women, but shrinking for men. Robert sees the Millennials as changing the dynamics of gender, dating, communication and more. It will take a generation before it settles down.

Topics Covered Include:

  • You’ve worked as a business coach and a life coach – how different is that?
  • What was your path into doing this sort of work?
  • The struggle of the nice guy.
  • Being numb and dumb for 28 years.
  • What makes it a tough time to be a man?
  • Are there role models for being a good man today?
  • What does the future of gender look like to you?
  • What is living “unHidden?”
  • Robert’s most unpopular opinion.
  • The power of 100% honesty in relationships.
  • What sort of topics do you cover in your Tuff Love podcast?
  • The notion of “hungry ghosts.”

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“Men are dumb and women are angry.” ~Robert Kandell

Some of the great books Robert mentioned:
No More Mr. Nice Guy
The General Theory of Love
Man, Interrupted
War Against Boys

His own unHidden: A Book For Men and those confused by them is expected to be released in November, 2018.

#RealMenFeel

You can learn more about Robert at RobertKandell.com

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Real Men Feel - Robert Kandell

 

Real Men Feel: Ep. 86, Having a Positive Relationship with Your Ex-wife

Having a Positive Relationship with Your Ex-wife with Al DeLuise Episode 86, March 20, 2018

This week Andy Grant is visited by writer, Al DeLuise, for a hilarious conversation about choosing to create a positive experience following a divorce. People can get divorced without wanting to kill each other.

Al has been writing humorous essays, which are often about him and his ex-wife, Arlene, since 2012. His writing about her often bothers other people much more than it does her. In fact, Al runs every article by Arlene first, and she’ll even remind of things to include. Despite that, one reader compared him to Hitler.

“Take the opportunity to calm down… There is no reason to go through hell.” ~Al DeLuise

Al says he’s getting along better with his ex-wife than his parents did while they were married. Having a good divorce is possible for anyone. It takes a conscious decision.

Topics Covered Include:

  • A life of nothing but conflict and scotch.
  • How his blog with Huffington Post started.
  • Have you always written comedic pieces?
  • Ex-wife approves everything written about her.
  • I’m not making fun of her.
  • Has she ever said, No – you can’t write about that?
  • Is it possible to have a positive divorce?
  • What do your kids think about the articles?
  • Mingling with Clooney and Pacino.
  • Being huge in Norway.
  • What article has gotten the biggest response?
  • What was the most surprising reaction?
  • Watch Al discover how Zoom works.

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Some of the specific pieces mentioned on the show:
Driving Miss Crazy
The Day I Got Engaged the Universe Was Trying to Tell Me Something
What I Learned About My Ex-Wife After My Daughter’s College Graduation

#RealMenFeel

Check out Al on GoodMenProject.com

You can learn more about Al at ConflictAndScotch.com.

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Real Men Feel: Al DeLuise

Conflict & Scotch

Real Men Feel: Ep. 85, Men Going Their Own Way

Men Going Their Own Way Episode 85, March 13, 2018

This week Andy Grant is visited by writer and speaker, Anthony Simeone, to discuss the MGTOW movement, toxic masculinity, and the notion that women are evil.

“Guys, we need to stop blaming women for our problems.” ~Anthony Simeone

The first time we heard of MGTOW was in a piece Anthony wrote a few weeks ago that got a lot of comments, Watch Out for Men ‘Goating Their Own Way.’ Anthony Simeone has over two decades of experience in the practical application of literature, philosophy, psychology, and other disciplines. The culmination of his work is the Live the Hero concept, which he offers as a “life path” for use in overcoming obstacles. Live the Hero combines the wisdom found in the arts and humanities with the latest discoveries related to modern neuroscience.

Heroism is inherent to the human condition. Looking out for each other, cooperating is heroism. It comes out of self-preservation but adds altruism and empathy

Topics Covered Include:

  • What is the MGTOW movement?
  • Is masculinity toxic?
  • What is meant by the term “toxic-masculinity?”
  • Are women evil?
  • The dangers of scapegoating.
  • What drives our quest for certainty?
  • What got you into these explorations of masculinity?
  • What do you mean by The Heroic Man?
  • Why men are becoming killers.

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What IS toxic is the “programming” men are receiving, skewing their perceptions of the world towards cynicism, loneliness, and violence (both physical and mental). It’s time to turn the conversation around to what’s virtuous, honorable, and positive about men. ~Anthony Simeone

Explore How You Can Become a Non-Toxic Man.

#RealMenFeel

Check out Anthony on GoodMenProject.com

You can learn more about Anthony and his work at livethehero.com.

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Real Men Feel with Anthony Simeone

 

Real Men Feel: Ep. 84, Raising the Level of Consciousness via Epic Conversations

Epic Conversations with Dr. Vibe Episode 84, March 6, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by Dr. Vibe, The Prime Minister of Pertinent Information, Connector, Producer and Host of the award-winning The Dr. Vibe Show™ to talk about men, deep conversations and changing the world for the better.

“Failure is not a person it is a moment.” ~Dr. Vibe

Dr. Vibe is a self-taught online whiz. With no formal training in coding or broadcasting, Dr. Vibe has become Canada’s Prince of Podcast. He dominates the Internet when it comes to hosting intelligent, entertaining conversations on race and gender.

Dr. Vibe has been the host and producer of his online show The Dr. Vibe Show™ for the last decade. He has done over 1000 interviews with people from all over the world. He has gotten into the minds of Black powerhouses such as: Canadian football great Michael “Pinball” Clemons, Canadian Senator Don Meredith, ESPN Radio’s Freddie Coleman, actress and producer Robin Givens and MSNBC & CNN Education Contributor, Dr. Steve Perry. His main mission is to peel back the layers of the mainstream media’s construct around Black males, to reveal the positivity that is often clouded.

Topics Covered Include:

  • Why did you start your podcast?
  • You are “demolishing the digital divide and raising the level of consciousness” – How are you doing that?
  • What are your favorite conversation subjects?
  • Have you always been a natural communicator?
  • Do black men and white men have different views on masculinity?
  • What are some great topics for future conversations?
  • What are some of the most consistent issues you are seeing across men?
  • What is the role of men today?
  • Tips on finding your purpose.
  • What should the role of men be?
  • How man and women deal with change.
  • Dr. Vibe issues a challenge to listeners.

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Dr. Vibes favorite thing to hear during one of his conversations is, “No ones ever asked me that before.”

See Andy’s appearance on The Dr. Vibe Show.

Dr. Vibe encourages everyone to listen more and judge less, and also to be of service in some way. He believes one big thing missing from most men’s lives is having another man that they can say anything to.

#RealMenFeel

Learn more about Dr. Vibe at TheDrVibeShow.com

Check out Dr. Vibe on GoodMenProject.com

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Real Men Feel with Dr. Vibe

 

Real Men Feel: Ep. 83, Spare Me “The Talk”

Spare Me “The Talk” with Jo Langford Episode 83, February 27, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by therapist, sex educator, author, and dad, Jo Langford, to discuss talking with teenage boys about sex. The technology of today makes discussing sex with teens very different from what it was when you first heard “the talk.”

“Fear and ignorance around sexuality cause problems.” ~Jo Langford

If you have a teenage boy, there’s a 50 percent chance that he’s already sexually active, and a 33 percent chance that he’s been solicited by an online predator in the past year. How prepared is he for the risks and realities of sex?

Jo’s mission is to provide healthy social and sexual information to teens and their parents, in a multi-pronged approach consisting of live speaking events, books and a number of resources for youth, their families and other professionals around that intersection of adolescence, sexuality, and technology.

Topics Covered Include:

  • Did you have a fantastic sex talk with your dad as a kid that set you on this path?
  • The guys each share what their sex talks were like from their parents.
  • Does technology make discussing sex with teens different today when we were kids?
  • How does internet porn change what teens know when it comes to sex?
  • What do parents look out for that says it’s time for a discussion?
  • The positive aspects of porn.
  • Jo’s journey from peer counselor to sex educator.
  • Is there a common mistake parents make when it comes to talking about sex with their kids?
  • The widening language around gender and sexual identity.
  • The sort of calls Jo gets from panicked parents.
  • What are most parents doing well?

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Jo has a Spare Me “The Talk” book for boys and another version for girls. His upcoming book, The Pride Guide, is the first puberty book for queer and trans kids.

Half the battle is being an accessible parent.

Gender identity and sexual identity don’t necessarily go hand in hand. Only 48% of youth identify themselves as “exclusively heterosexual.”

Check out Jo’s book, Spare Me ‘The Talk’!: A Guy’s Guide to Sex, Relationships, and Growing Up
See all of Jo Langford’s books

#RealMenFeel

Learn more about Jo at BeHeroes.net

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Real Men Feel - Jo Langford

Spare Me