Real Men Feel: Episode 65, Real Men Can Feel Suicidal

Real Men Feel

Real Men Can Feel Suicidal Episode 65, August 18, 2017

Real Men Feel host Andy Grant goes solo again to share some personal insights as well as a few tools for dealing with depression and negative or suicidal thinking.

Andy opens up regarding some recent conversations, discoveries, admissions and rationalizations. He also shares three simple yet powerful tools that anyone can use to help deal with negative or suicidal thinking. The tools include pivoting, witnessing and expressing.

Life is meant to be simple and enjoyed. Make choices that result in you enjoying life more.

#RealMenFeel

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Real Men Can Feel Depressed

Real Men Feel: Episode 63, From Warrior to Healer with Mike Marschhausen

Warrior to Healer

From Warrior to Healer with Mike Marschhausen, Episode 63, June 6, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by co-founder and healer at SpiritualityForMen.com, Mike Marschhausen. Mike shares his story of growth and discovery from military combat in Afghanistan to a spiritual awakening in Mexico.

Mike tells how someone offering an energy healing for his dog started him on his journey to becoming a healer himself. Now he wants to bring spirituality and energy work to more men. Spirituality For Men is all about helping men to navigate their inner realm.

Drop the warrior. Why recreate war in your life?

We all have a warrior within us, but that doesn’t mean we need to fight and struggle to utilize it. Mike, Andy & Appio all share various experiences with energy work, emotions, fears and shadows.

Connect with Mike on Facebook: facebook.com/spiritualityformenofficial

Visit SpiritualityForMen.com

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Let us know what you thought here in the comments or shoot an email to realmenfeel@gmail.com

Real Men Feel: Episode 61, Finding Hope with Psychological Theorist, Vito Mucci

Finding Hope with Psychological Theorist, Vito Mucci Episode 61, May 23, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by author and co-host of Divine Union TV, Vito Mucci, to talk about finding hope. This isn’t airy-fairy stuff. Vito is all about science and psychology for everybody as he shares lessons learned from spending eight years at rock bottom.

Andy shares how triggered he was when first coming across Vito on Facebook. Vito then describes what being a psychological theorist means to him. The bulk of the show is about Vito’s eight years of being at rock bottom and attempting to use alcohol to control his emotions.

“Life is pretty adept at beating us down.” ~Vito Mucci

Vito believes alcohol did indeed save his life. He longed for some way to feel safe and alcohol was that safety for a long time. Drinking gave him a sense of control over his emotions.

The beginning of hope comes from not denying our emotions, but in allowing them.

Validate and celebrate all your little successes, those are the embers of hope.

Check out Vito’s book Coffee for Consciousness.

Connect with Vito on Facebook: facebook.com/vito.mucci
facebook.com/Divine-Union-TV-263163274114518/

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Real Men Feel: Episode 59, The Good Athlete Project with Jim Davis

Real Men Feel - Good Athlete Project

The Good Athlete Project with Jim Davis Episode 59, May 9, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Appio Hunter is joined by Jim Davis, founder of The Good Athlete Project, to discuss the power of using sports in character and leadership development.

Jim Davis is a high school staff and student wellness director in Illinois as well as being an athlete, artist, poet, writer and founder of The Good Athlete Project. Jim is passionate about athletics and the arts and shatters so many stereotypes about being a “jock.” Jim doesn’t subscribe to any stereotypes, be it jock, artist, man or anything. Stereotypes, at the most basic level, are lazy thinking. At their worst level they are hateful and dangerous.

Jim explores the metaphor of an anchor and tether. What anchors someone is their absolute belief in an area of life and how much wiggle room there is. If we find out we’re wrong, we need to be willing and able to pick up and move our anchor.

“Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.” ~Abraham Lincoln

Jim also shares his path to bringing the Good Athlete Project into the world. As an athlete he did his best to influence and be good for his teammates. Then he pursed that positive influence as a coach, and then expanded that to coach other coaches to meet the needs of more students, and now scaling that model even further espousing character, culture, equity and service.

“Competing is showing off all the good work you’ve done.” ~ Jim Davis

The Good Athlete Project is an international, sports-based, non-profit focused on outreach, leadership training and research. The goal is maximizing athletics as an educational platform. Sports gone wrong is something that fuels Jim. The notion of “locker room” talk and similar poor outcomes of athletics. Sports has the power of momentum, and the Good Athlete Project wants to get in front of stigma inducing behavior.

Being tough does not mean talking tough or degrading women. We made up what “tough” looks like and we can remake it. Ideally there is no barrier to how much we can care about each other.

“If you are part of a team, you should never feel like there is no one to talk to.”~ Jim Davis

The interview wraps up with an interesting discussion on concussions and chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE).

#RealMenFeel

Learn more about the Good Athlete Project at – GoodAthleteProject.com

Connect with Good Athlete Project (coach4kindness) on Twitter or Instagram.

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Real Men Feel: Episode 57, Breaking The Vow of Male Silence with Nige Atkinson

Real Men Feel

Breaking The Vow of Male Silence with Nige Atkinson Episode 57, April 25, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by Odd Man Out author, Nige Atkinson, to explore the vow of silence among men, the toll it takes, and how we might break that vow.

Nige shares his story of feeling uncomfortable in his own skin from a very young age including sexual abuse, anxiety, anger, rage and the male vow of silence that kept it all building and terrifying. He was taught that tears and emotions were signs of weakness. The vow of male silence is “man up, shut up, and put up” and it is killing men. There is power and healing in breaking the silence and sharing your fears.

“When you break the vow of male silence, you don’t do it just once. You have to break it again and again and again.” ~Nige Atkinson

Nige’s path includes everything from The Incredible Hulk to A Course in Miracles. His upcoming book, Odd Man Out: Breaking The Vow of Male Silence, is for men who want to know more about themselves—especially those men who are quietly struggling and suffering in silence—and for women who are struggling to understand their men.

“Real men cry.” ~Nige Atkinson

To prove that sentiment, Nige and Appio pile praise onto Andy towards the end of this episode and move him to tears.

See the first chapter of Odd Man Out: Breaking The Vow of Male Silence.

This is the Step Class Video of mine that Nige mentions.

#RealMenFeel

Connect with Nige on Facebook – facebook.com/breakthevow

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Real Men Feel: Episode 54, Male Rites of Passage with Journeymen Founder, Nicky Wilks

Real Men Feel

Male Rites of Passage with Nicky Wilks, Episode 54, April 4, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by the founder of Journeymen.us, Nicky Wilks, to talk about the need for rituals, ceremonies and rites of passage for creating better men. Nicky shares his man story, and there is a great discussion around mentorship and initiation.

Journeymen’s vision is to regenerate modern society through the inspiration of young men, and Nicky is indeed inspiring while sharing some of his goals for Journeymen and The Quest they offer teenage boys. A popular theme in Real Men Feel is authenticity, and it is oozing out of Nicky and all that Journeymen is up to.

If you think building compassionate and inspired men through nature-based rites of passage, long-term mentoring, and community engagement is something that is sorely needed, you are going to love this show, Nicky, and Journeymen.

“Mentorship is 95% showing up authentically and 5% choosing to do it again the next time.” ~Nicky Wilks

#RealMenFeel

Connect with Nicky at Journeymen.us

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Real Men Feel: Episode 52, Awakened Journeys for Men with Jonathan Hermida

Real Men Feel

Awakened Journeys for Men with Jonathan Hermida, Episode 52, March 21, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by Men’s transformational coach, Jonathan Hermida, to discuss transformative adventures for men and share his own journey of awakening. A journey that took him from feeling insecure and uncomfortable in his own skin to being a globe-trotting coach, willing to drop the destructive mask of masculinity. Listen and learn about a fantastic opportunity to visit Machu Picchu, Peru as well!

“The mask of masculinity is a most destructive force for guys. We are preening peacocks, but crumbling inside.” ~ Jonathan Hermida

Jonathan’s recommended book, The Surrender Experiment by Michael Singer

Learn more about The Awakening Man: Journey Through the Sacred Valley trip to Peru this August.

#RealMenFeel

Connect with Jonathan at JonathanHermida.com

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Real Men Feel: Episode 50, Internalized Homophobia

Real Men Feel

Internalized Homophobia, Episode 50, March 7, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter discuss the concept and share experiences of internalized homophobia. Thanks to an organic gathering of live listeners the perspectives of straight, gay and bisexual men are expressed.

Key topics include; that the put-down of “gay” has nothing to do with sexuality and is all about making someone feel “less” of a man, the notion of separation along many different attributes, and the fact that we are really of one race, the human race.

We also talk about how easy it is to mock a label or term you don’t understand, and that so many issues of attacking an “other” comes from a lack of self-love.

The backstory of this episode can be found in this post – Why Does Being Called ‘Gay’ Bother Me?

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Why Does Being Called ‘Gay’ Bother Me?


When I first started speaking and doing honest videos about my experiences with depression, molestation and suicide attempts seven years ago, being called “gay” was one of my biggest fears. Imagining my authentic and vulnerable sharing being met by derision and mockery kept me silent for too long. By the time I got such a comment it actually made me laugh.

stop being so gay!

Click to enlarge image.

My podcast, Real Men Feel, has now gotten it’s first “gay” comment. An important threshold has been crossed! I have yet to decide how or if to respond. I’m finding myself particularly triggered by this one. I think it coming from someone with my own name is making me want to fight back as opposed to laughing it off, or thanking him for being a scholar and a gentleman. What would you do? You can watch it here if you like. (Note: since this was first published he has gone back and deleted his comment and my reply asking him to be on the show.)

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Being called “gay” is the put-down that goes back the farthest and was the easiest to throw at anyone when I was a kid. Anyone or anything not seen as tough, macho or in proper alignment with being a man (which was never clearly defined), would be labeled as “gay”. In elementary school, I was in the school band, chorus, and plays, but by the time I was in high school I stopped doing all of that—even when I had a genuine interest in continuing. It was all over peer pressure and my fear of the judgment of others.

Begin called “gay” has never struck me as sexual. I never took it as though they are calling me a homosexual. It wasn’t like kids went around screaming, “You’re attracted to men!” at each other. The hurling of that term, “gay”, was saying I wasn’t a man. I wasn’t enough. I wasn’t right.

“That’s so gay.” “Don’t be gay.” “You’re so gay.” Anything being called “gay” was the ultimate dismissal of it. As a kid, there was no acceptable response. When I first began hearing “gay” as a put-down I don’t think I was even aware of what homosexuality meant. Maybe for a boy who knows he is gay today, a response of, “Yes. I am gay” might shut bullies up, or perhaps it makes the torment increase. When I was growing up, continuing to act in whatever way was being ridiculed only guaranteed more ridicule and mockery.

The same day that the Real Men Feel episode got the “…don’t be so fucking gay” comment, another viewer posted positive comments on three other videos. This reminds me of advice I received five years ago when one person kept posting negative comments on my videos about my experiences, and I took them all very personally. A friend asked me, “Why do you focus on the one negative comment as opposed to the dozens of positive ones?” I had no answer. That woke me up to the fact that any comment attacking me was outnumbered by dozens of comments thanking me.

Other people have pointed out that “gay” originally meant carefree, happy, joyous, and lighthearted. Some European friends say that is still the primary meaning there and that they didn’t realize this was somehow a put-down in the US. So over the course of the 20th century, American masculinity decided that being happy, joyous and lighthearted was not something a true man should have anything to do with.

◊♦◊

Recently I noticed someone shared a Real Men Feel show link on Facebook saying “for my sensitive male friends.” Sensitive is another word that makes me bristle a bit. I was often called sensitive growing up and it never seemed like it was a compliment. My own wife was told by a friend that I was sensitive before she met me, that always struck me as some sort of warning to her, but she failed to heed it.

Being called sensitive is right up there with the notion of “nice guys finish last.” I can’t remember where or when I first heard that but it was embedded in my mental programming at an early age it seems.

So what the hell is so wrong with being sensitive? Nothing. Yet, for whatever reason, that adjective is not one I like being used on me. And does my being bothered by being called gay mean I really do have some sort of internalized homophobia? That is more difficult to answer. I can see that possibility. I’m not homophobic to the point of treating others differently, but there is still some societal bullshit in me that wants to make sure nobody thinks I’m gay. I don’t know what I can do about that, but one thing I can do is dedicate an upcoming episode of Real Men Feel to this notion of internalized homophobia. I even replied to that other Andy Grant (#NotMyAndyGrant), inviting him on to the show.

Any change starts with awareness and open discussion. Perhaps in time, my new natural response to being called “sensitive” or “gay” will be a heartfelt, thank you.

Originally published at GoodMenProject.com. This resulted in the Real Men Feel show on March 7, 2017 being about internalized homophobia.

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About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Akashic Records Reader and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities and Reiki, as well as other leadership programs and energy work modalities.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing, and is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups and is a contributor at the GoodMenProject. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel, and he is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be. Learn more about Andy at TheAndyGrant.com

It’s Okay to be Human

It’s okay to have everything, but still want more.

It’s okay to spend years learning how to walk a spiritual path, but still display non-spiritual emotions when something knocks you off your path.

It’s okay to be enlightened, but still express strong opinions.

It’s okay to be calm, but still show anger.

It’s okay to be happy, but still feel sorrow.

It’s okay show courage, but still admit to being afraid.

It’s okay to love, but still feel hate.

Why?

It’s part of being human.

It’s what we signed up for.

This experience is what we wanted.

So, embrace the totality of who you are, even if you think you don’t know who you are yet… or even if you’re redefining what it means to be you.

It’s okay… because you’re here. Completely, fully here. Right now.

All of you.

Embrace your experience and love it.

Because it’s okay to be human.


About the Author

Appio Hunter, a.k.a. The Emotion Emancipator, is a personal development coach, energy worker, author, and inspirational speaker. He holds certifications as a Happiness Champion and Infinite Possibilities Trainer.

Appio is a self-described crusader for joy. His work blends multiple disciplines to show everyone how they can embrace their personal power and experience clarity, emotional freedom, balance, inner peace, and joy every day. He is also co-host of the weekly podcast Real Men Feel along with his good friend and fellow coach Andy Grant. You can learn more about Appio at AppioHunter.com.