Real Men Feel: Ep. 89, Exploring Father Wounds and Mother Wounds with Rick Belden

Exploring Father Wounds and Mother Wounds with Rick Belden Episode 89, April 10, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by author, poet, artist, and coach, Rick Belden, to discuss men and difficult relationships with their fathers (Father Wound) or mothers (Mother Wound).

“It is an iterative process. The wound and the healing. Both are in layers.” ~Rick Belden

A Father Wound or Mother Wound may be thought of as injury to the psyche of a child resulting from significant dysfunction or disruption in relationship with a parent. In some cases, it is the result of a parent’s absence or unavailability due to death, illness, adoption, or other circumstances that dramatically separate the child from the parent. But more typically, a Father Wound or Mother Wound is a complex of injuries to the child’s psyche received over many years, often as a result of the parent acting, consciously or not, out of his or her own woundedness.

Topics Covered Include:

  • What first got you first with men’s work?
  • What do you mean by father wound and mother wound?
  • Is one more prevalent than the other?
  • How do these wounds impact men?
  • Do all men have these wounds?
  • How did you get involved with poetry?
  • Is there a particular process for healing such wounds?
  • Tips on mindfulness and journaling.
  • The benefits Rick has experienced from being part of men’s groups.
  • The great example of a Father Wound found in Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade.
  • We realized after the show that Ordinary People is a great movie to see a Mother Wound.

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“There are not nearly enough groups for men. Our culture would be transformed if any man could easily walk into a men’s group.” ~Rick Belden

You know you’re making headway when you can see your parents as individuals, not just as your parents. They are separate individuals with flaws, goals, motivations… they are human.

So much of this work is grief work. The entry is often anger, but getting into the grief of your childhood is the deepest work.

Check out Rick’s first book of poetry: Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood

You can learn more about Rick’s Coaching for Men at RickBeldenCoaching.com

#RealMenFeel

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Real Men Feel with Rick Belden

 

Real Men Feel: Ep. 88, Masculine Emotional Intelligence is Not an Oxymoron with Owen Marcus

Masculine Emotional Intelligence is Not an Oxymoron with Owen Marcus Episode 88, April 3, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by author, speaker, and coach, Owen Marcus, to talk about men and emotions, men’s groups, and other tools for men to build remarkable lives. Men are leaving behind the duality of being macho OR sensitive. It doesn’t have to be either/or.

“What holds us back from being Remarkable is how we matured as men.” ~Owen Marcus

Owen shares his experience with 20 years of men’s groups up to his current venture, EvryMan.co, which is out to engage more men with the power of brotherhood, authenticity, and vulnerability. There are a connection and relief that happens when a man discovers he is no more messed up than every other man.

Topics Covered Include:

  • What got you first involved with men’s work?
  • Why do so many men struggle emotionally?
  • What was your experience with the first meeting of your first men’s group?
  • What is masculine emotional intelligence?
  • What made you such a fan of Men’s Groups?
  • How men’s groups are saving lives.
  • What is the ultimate goal for EvryMan.co?
  • Owen’s TEDx Talk  –What 10,000 Years Of Progress Has Cost
  • Owen’s #1 tip for any man feel isolated and stuck.

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“As men we aren’t bad or broken… we never were taught what we needed to become the Remarkable Men – that we want to be.” ~Owen Marcus

Most men were never taught how to feel. They were told not to feel. They’ve become disconnected from their intuition and emotions. Unfortunately for many men, they won’t reach out until their pain is greater than their fear.

Grab Owen’s book: Grow Up: A Man’s Guide to Masculine Emotional Intelligence™ – the 9 Steps to releasing the Remarkable Man within You
#RealMenFeel

You can learn more about Owen at OwenMarcus.com
Look for a men’s group near you at EvryMan.co

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Real Men Feel with Owen Marcus

 

Real Men Feel: Ep. 86, Having a Positive Relationship with Your Ex-wife

Having a Positive Relationship with Your Ex-wife with Al DeLuise Episode 86, March 20, 2018

This week Andy Grant is visited by writer, Al DeLuise, for a hilarious conversation about choosing to create a positive experience following a divorce. People can get divorced without wanting to kill each other.

Al has been writing humorous essays, which are often about him and his ex-wife, Arlene, since 2012. His writing about her often bothers other people much more than it does her. In fact, Al runs every article by Arlene first, and she’ll even remind of things to include. Despite that, one reader compared him to Hitler.

“Take the opportunity to calm down… There is no reason to go through hell.” ~Al DeLuise

Al says he’s getting along better with his ex-wife than his parents did while they were married. Having a good divorce is possible for anyone. It takes a conscious decision.

Topics Covered Include:

  • A life of nothing but conflict and scotch.
  • How his blog with Huffington Post started.
  • Have you always written comedic pieces?
  • Ex-wife approves everything written about her.
  • I’m not making fun of her.
  • Has she ever said, No – you can’t write about that?
  • Is it possible to have a positive divorce?
  • What do your kids think about the articles?
  • Mingling with Clooney and Pacino.
  • Being huge in Norway.
  • What article has gotten the biggest response?
  • What was the most surprising reaction?
  • Watch Al discover how Zoom works.

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Some of the specific pieces mentioned on the show:
Driving Miss Crazy
The Day I Got Engaged the Universe Was Trying to Tell Me Something
What I Learned About My Ex-Wife After My Daughter’s College Graduation

#RealMenFeel

Check out Al on GoodMenProject.com

You can learn more about Al at ConflictAndScotch.com.

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Real Men Feel: Al DeLuise

Conflict & Scotch

Real Men Feel: Ep. 84, Raising the Level of Consciousness via Epic Conversations

Epic Conversations with Dr. Vibe Episode 84, March 6, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by Dr. Vibe, The Prime Minister of Pertinent Information, Connector, Producer and Host of the award-winning The Dr. Vibe Show™ to talk about men, deep conversations and changing the world for the better.

“Failure is not a person it is a moment.” ~Dr. Vibe

Dr. Vibe is a self-taught online whiz. With no formal training in coding or broadcasting, Dr. Vibe has become Canada’s Prince of Podcast. He dominates the Internet when it comes to hosting intelligent, entertaining conversations on race and gender.

Dr. Vibe has been the host and producer of his online show The Dr. Vibe Show™ for the last decade. He has done over 1000 interviews with people from all over the world. He has gotten into the minds of Black powerhouses such as: Canadian football great Michael “Pinball” Clemons, Canadian Senator Don Meredith, ESPN Radio’s Freddie Coleman, actress and producer Robin Givens and MSNBC & CNN Education Contributor, Dr. Steve Perry. His main mission is to peel back the layers of the mainstream media’s construct around Black males, to reveal the positivity that is often clouded.

Topics Covered Include:

  • Why did you start your podcast?
  • You are “demolishing the digital divide and raising the level of consciousness” – How are you doing that?
  • What are your favorite conversation subjects?
  • Have you always been a natural communicator?
  • Do black men and white men have different views on masculinity?
  • What are some great topics for future conversations?
  • What are some of the most consistent issues you are seeing across men?
  • What is the role of men today?
  • Tips on finding your purpose.
  • What should the role of men be?
  • How man and women deal with change.
  • Dr. Vibe issues a challenge to listeners.

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Dr. Vibes favorite thing to hear during one of his conversations is, “No ones ever asked me that before.”

See Andy’s appearance on The Dr. Vibe Show.

Dr. Vibe encourages everyone to listen more and judge less, and also to be of service in some way. He believes one big thing missing from most men’s lives is having another man that they can say anything to.

#RealMenFeel

Learn more about Dr. Vibe at TheDrVibeShow.com

Check out Dr. Vibe on GoodMenProject.com

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Real Men Feel with Dr. Vibe

 

Real Men Feel: Ep. 83, Spare Me “The Talk”

Spare Me “The Talk” with Jo Langford Episode 83, February 27, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by therapist, sex educator, author, and dad, Jo Langford, to discuss talking with teenage boys about sex. The technology of today makes discussing sex with teens very different from what it was when you first heard “the talk.”

“Fear and ignorance around sexuality cause problems.” ~Jo Langford

If you have a teenage boy, there’s a 50 percent chance that he’s already sexually active, and a 33 percent chance that he’s been solicited by an online predator in the past year. How prepared is he for the risks and realities of sex?

Jo’s mission is to provide healthy social and sexual information to teens and their parents, in a multi-pronged approach consisting of live speaking events, books and a number of resources for youth, their families and other professionals around that intersection of adolescence, sexuality, and technology.

Topics Covered Include:

  • Did you have a fantastic sex talk with your dad as a kid that set you on this path?
  • The guys each share what their sex talks were like from their parents.
  • Does technology make discussing sex with teens different today when we were kids?
  • How does internet porn change what teens know when it comes to sex?
  • What do parents look out for that says it’s time for a discussion?
  • The positive aspects of porn.
  • Jo’s journey from peer counselor to sex educator.
  • Is there a common mistake parents make when it comes to talking about sex with their kids?
  • The widening language around gender and sexual identity.
  • The sort of calls Jo gets from panicked parents.
  • What are most parents doing well?

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Jo has a Spare Me “The Talk” book for boys and another version for girls. His upcoming book, The Pride Guide, is the first puberty book for queer and trans kids.

Half the battle is being an accessible parent.

Gender identity and sexual identity don’t necessarily go hand in hand. Only 48% of youth identify themselves as “exclusively heterosexual.”

Check out Jo’s book, Spare Me ‘The Talk’!: A Guy’s Guide to Sex, Relationships, and Growing Up
See all of Jo Langford’s books

#RealMenFeel

Learn more about Jo at BeHeroes.net

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Real Men Feel - Jo Langford

Spare Me

Real Men Feel: Ep. 82, Dads Behaving Dadly

Dads Behaving Dadly with Hogan Hilling Episode 82, February 20, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by author, Hogan Hilling, to discuss the shifting roles of fatherhood. Hilling is the author of the Dads Behaving Dadly series and also the founder of the #WeLoveDads Campaign and United We Parent.

“One of the biggest assumptions is that a guy is a stay-at-home dad as a last resort. That he had no choice.” ~Hogan Hilling

Hogan’s mission is to dispel the unfair stigma of dads as incompetent parents and more importantly prove Fatherhood Is Alive and Well! He loved being a full-time caregiver to his kids, but everyone around him kept telling him it was wrong. He got tired of defending himself and having to justify his choices in ways stay-at-home moms never have to.

“I haven’t lost any masculinity by staying home!”

Topics Covered Include:

  • The stigma stay-at-home dads face.
  • What assumptions are made about stay-at-home dads?
  • The one thing Hogan focuses on as a father.
  • “Coming out of the pantry.”
  • Dads are not replacements for moms.
  • The power and benefits of dad support groups.
  • The danger and splintering of so many parent support groups.
  • What are the dynamics for stepdads?
  • What does behaving “dadly” mean?
  • What is Hogan’s best advice for new dads?
  • #WeLoveDads campaign
  • Dad Marketing

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There is still a bias that moms are much better parents than dads. That dads are inept as caregivers and parents. That is why many men are still hesitant to come out of the pantry.

All parents need to drop the adjectives before their names: stay-at-home dad, working mom, gay dad, stepfather…follow the leads of your kids who only introduce you as dad.

Check out Hogan’s book, Dads Behaving Dadly: 67 Truths, Tears and Triumphs of Modern Fatherhood
See all of Hogan’s books

#RealMenFeel

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Real Men Feel ep 82

Real Men Feel: Ep. 81, Guys Talking Guns

Guys Talking Guns Episode 81, February 18, 2018

With yet another tragic school shooting in the United States, some regular guys get together to discuss, to feel and to learn. Hopefully.

For this impromptu episode, Andy Grant is joined by regular guy and gun owner, Kenny Earl, to discuss gun control, mass shootings, mental health and all the horrible topics of the day.

See Andy’s post that prompted this episode – This Man Should Never Own a Gun

“We don’t need to be a country that makes it so easy to kill people.” ~Andy Grant

Topics Covered Include:

  • Is gun violence a mental health issue or a gun issue?
  • What does the 2nd Amendment say?
  • The strength of those high school students in Parkland, FL.
  • Can anything be solved via social media?
  • What is to blame?
  • What is the root cause?
  • Is it society?
  • Is it the younger generation?
  • Possible solutions.
  • More Good Guys with guns.
  • Armed veterans at every school.
  • What can and can’t be legislated.

The United States has had 90 mass shooters between 1966 and 2012. What is the magic number that will be enough for you to take action?


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Guns ARE the reason that so many innocent people die in these mass shootings. Guns are not the reason the killing happens. Guns are not the cause of violence, but they are the reason the fatalities are so high.

If guns were harder to get, more people would be alive due to fewer accidental shootings, suicides, and mass shootings.

Don’t agree? Come on the show and lets talk.

Please, engage someone in an actual conversation. Don’t only spread memes around the Internet.

Ask someone else what they think can be done to prevent more mass shootings in our schools. Then listen to their answer.

What Explains U.S. Mass Shootings?

#RealMenFeel

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Real Men Feel: Ep. 80, Spirituality or Religion; What’s the Difference?

Spiritual Path or Religious Path; What’s the Difference? Episode 80, February 13, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by author and speaker, Kallen Diggs, to discuss our experiences with religion and spirituality. Are they the same thing? Hear first-hand adventures with numerous faiths including; Pentecostal, Mormonism, and even Scientology. Uh oh, wait just a minute – Kallen had major internet challenges and never made it to Real Men Feel, but the show must go on!

See Kallen’s post that prompted the conversation – Spirituality or Religion? How to Discover What’s Good for Your Soul

“It is not about the label. It is about nurturing the soul.” ~Kallen Diggs

Topics Covered Include:

  • Andy and Appio discuss their childhoods from a religious perspective.
  • Appio shares some of his experience with Mormonism.
  • Andy talks about his brief time in Scientology.
  • Why are more people calling themselves spiritual instead of religious?
  • What stands out as moments of “awakening?”
  • Appio touches on conversion therapy.
  • Anything you do now that you thought was total BS years ago?
  • Can you see yourself returning to organized religion?

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There is no single right or wrong path. Find the way that brings you the most joy and stick with it as long as that is true.

Is there any way you can root yourself more in the realm of love?
As traditional religions got more organized and gained more control, they’ve moved away from the love they were rooted in and more into fear.

“If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough.” ~ Meister Eckhart

 

#RealMenFeel

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Real Men Feel: Ep. 79, Exploring The Men School

Exploring The Men School with Jan Darwin Hutchins Episode 79, February 6, 2018

This week Andy Grant and Appio Hunter discover the path to the creation of The Men School, a school dedicated to cultivating the divine masculine in all of us with Jan Darwin Hutchins.

“Why, after having been a lone wolf all my life, did I feel so alone?” ~Jan Darwin Hutchins

Jan was successful at a young age, living the dream as a TV sports anchor, yet he felt rather empty. In his 50s he realized he had made no real friends over his life. An experience witnessing the support a dying friend received from a men’s group made him realize he was not alone and that he could trust other men. He discovered there was an initiation he could do to become one of those men. Jan did it and confirmed that he was not alone, didn’t need to be alone and could trust men.

“The problem with life is there is no end to the problems.”

Topics Covered Include:

  • Jan’s background including TV news, politics, yoga and more.
  • What lead to the creation of The Men School?
  • The masks we all wear.
  • The need for and benefits of doing the inner work.
  • The power of men’s groups.
  • The current state of The Men’s School and plans for the future.
  • Do we ever graduate from Men School?
  • Jan shares some research on wolves in Yellowstone.
  • OKness and presence.
  • The MankindProject
  • How does a man find his truth?
  • Is life simple or hard?

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All three men answer the question: If there was one thing you could teach or make all men aware of, what would it be?

TheMenSchool
“We are a learning community cultivating the sacred deep masculine in us all.”
As social animals, we require a source of stabilization from outside ourselves. Our shared connections and, co-corrections, literally keep us sane.

TheMenSchool is here to:
—keep learning to model the divine masculine
—see you excel in your individual life

When I argue with reality, I lose—but only 100% of the time.~Byron Katie

Check out Robert Johnson’s book, We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love
Mark Manson’s The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life

#RealMenFeel

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Real Men Feel: Ep. 78, Working Through Upset and Reactions

Working Through Upset and Reactions Episode 78, January 30, 2018

This week Andy Grant goes solo with a member of the RMF private Facebook group who was upset with him and wanted to leave the group.

True to the title of the show, we bring some internal upset out into the light.

Last month, in the private Real Men Feel group on Facebook, one of our men took offense with something that Andy shared there. It was a video from a group of guys called The Try Guys.

Andy says: I had shared a video from them before and it was well received. I admit I hesitated about this but obviously decided to post it. The first comment on the video in the group was – “This is disgusting. I’m leaving the group.”

I was horrified that something I shared had driven a man to leave. It was a man I don’t recall ever speaking up before which made me feel even worse. I wondered what to do, to leave it be, reach out to him… I noticed he hadn’t left yet so I asked via reply to his comment if he would be willing to come on RMF in 2018 to talk about this.

He agreed. So here we are.

Comments in group

 

Topics Covered Include:

  • What offended you about that video?
  • The positives and negatives of Facebook.
  • Stereotypes about masculinity.
  • Andy’s reaction to Steve saying he was leaving the group.
  • What drew you to the Real Men Feel group to begin with?
  • Had Steve ever listened to this show?
  • The courage it takes to speak up.
  • The coolest thing Steve’s learned from all the men’s groups he’s in.
  • The struggle of knowing what masculinity is.
  • Steve’s definition of masculinity.
  • Steve’s background and personal story.
  • The benefits of being in a men’s group.
  • What’s the least “manly” thing you do?

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Here is the video in that brought up the turmoil.

Steve shares a great deal about his journey and why he questioned his manhood and what makes someone a man.

“Those guys who have it all together, he’s so manly, he’s so cool… once you get to know them they’ve got just as many issues as you do. All men are created equal.” ~Steve

Being a man means you doubt being a man at some point.

#RealMenFeel

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Real Men Feel ep. 78