Did Your Partner Betray You? | Recovering From Betrayal Part 2 Episode 303, June 2, 2023
Today is part 2 of Recovering From Betrayal, focusing on a man betrayed by his wife. See part 1.
My returning guest, Vanessa Cardenas, is your trusted advisor for Betrayal and Transformation. Vanessa is a highly experienced C-Suite Executive, Mentor, Coach, and Speaker with a degree in Industrial Psychology. She is also the founder and CEO of Understanding Ear, LLC, where she empowers individuals and groups to heal from betrayal, amplify their authenticity, and find love and happiness on their terms.
Vanessa shares how she went from supporting women to serving more and more men. We explore the pain, secrecy, and shame men experience after discovering their spouse’s cheating. Vanessa also explores why men and women have affairs and the most common question men have when they find out they’ve been betrayed.
While women often want to tell the world when they’ve been cheated on, that is not the typical response for men. What is so crucial for a man who has been betrayed is to forgive himself.
The core message is to be willing to have difficult conversations before betrayal to avoid needing them after.
Topics and Questions
- 2:12: How different is the experience of recovering from betrayal when you are the betrayed party?
- 7:33 – Vanessa’s first male client
- 12:23 – The six most common reasons women cheat
- 16:26 – What does a man feel from betrayal?
- 19:34 – Differences between how a man feels and how he thinks society says he should feel.
- 24:19 – Is this journey of self-forgiveness different if the wife wants the relationship to continue or not?
- 27:47 – Are there any best practices for a man when he discovers his partner is cheating?
- 34:44 – What is the best way for people to find out about everything you are up to?
- 37:02 – The response to Vanessa’s first appearance
“If you don’t make time for your relationship. You will be forced to make time for your loneliness.”
Vanessa Cardenas
Links
Vanessa Cardenas — https://www.understandingear.com
Talk to Vanessa — https://www.understandingear.com/betrayed-men
Recommended resources
Man’s Search for Meaning — https://amzn.to/43BFxG0
RMF 149 – Men in Emotionally Abusive Relationships
http://realmenfeel.org/2019/09/24/ep-149-men-in-emotionally-abusive-relationships/
RMF 226 – The Abuse of Men by Women
http://realmenfeel.org/2021/02/16/the-abuse-of-men-by-women/
https://www.truthaboutdeception.com/
Book a call with Andy → https://theandygrant.com/talk
Listen here:
#RealMenFeel
Want to help support Real Men Feel? Visit anchor.fm/realmenfeel/support
Watch this episode on YouTube.
Listen on Apple Podcasts.
Enjoy Real Men Feel on Spotify
Listen to the podcast on Google Podcast.
Let us know what you think here in the comments, or shoot an email to realmenfeel@gmail.com.
Grab the Real Men Feel Guide to Friendship for a list of places you can meet more male friends, and subscribe to the Real Men Feel newsletter.
Photo by christopher lemercier on Unsplash
Truly my honor to be a featured guest on Real Men Feel with you, Andy… an amazing space that you have created for men (and women who want to understand men better) to be real, authentic, and comfortable in their own skin. You remain true to your vision and mission, exposing your own vulnerability and growth from your own past experiences, making this episode even more valuable. When we share our stories, we have the potential of being someone else’s survival guide (loosely quoted Brene Brown).
Thank you Andy for giving me the space to share mine.
For all that you do and all that you are, I thank you!
This was another great conversation. I really appreciate the discussion about the importance of communicating versus clamming up. Vanessa delivered some great suggestions for men as the betrayed. I agree that men need to pause and take a breath before rushing into any reactive response. The male ego has been bruised and clarity has been lost. Who am I? What’s my worth? Getting support to reduce the turmoil and gain a better perspective has to take place from the beginning. Then through meaningful conversation, a direction can be determined. Thank you both for helping men understand that they should have feelings and be comfortable expressing themselves.