Real Men Feel: Ep. 201, Integrity for Chameleons

Integrity for Chameleons Episode 201, September 1, 2020

Speaker, writer, entrepreneur, and community builder, Raman Frey, visits to explore adaptive masculinity, identity, and more. This is a conversation packed full of insights.

“We all can give each other permission and give ourselves permission to be different men in different contexts.” ~ Raman Frey

Raman Frey talks about the possibility and need of a more fluid and contextual identity, stressing that being a chameleon is not out of integrity. Being resiliently flexible and adaptable is needed most when things are changing quickly. And we are indeed in times of rapid change.

Raman explores how he learned that men had two sources of dignity: being a warrior and being a provider when he was growing up. It is time for us all to reconsider that. We need more room for additional forms of masculinity and a lot more sources of dignity for men.

A good man is often seen as someone who is consistent, showing up the same way all the time. Such behavior gets praised for being a man of integrity. But that consistency, regardless of context, can actually cause a lot of pain and misunderstanding. The more natural thing is to show up differently in different contexts, but remaining true to your ethics and values.

Topics and Questions Include:

(1:33) Why is being a chameleon of integrity?
(3:36) What is the most common mistake in business?
(4:54) Is this similar to emotional IQ and social cues?
(6:21) Has the notion of what it means to be a man changed over time?
(9:10) Has it changed even in your lifetime?
(11:36) Some men want to stick to a strict definition of what masculinity means.
(14:07) Tell me about Good People Dinners?
(17:48) What makes for a meaningful conversation?
(20:00) Did you grow up with these ideas of meaning and flexibility?
(23:00) When did you realize that being a chameleon might serve you?
(29:10) The relief and freedom in being more childlike.
(31:00) Is rigidity a male thing?
(36:54) Perfectionism.
(37:45) Focusing on what people are good at.
(40:18) What is important to a father?
(43:12) You wrote, “Maybe I’ve finally figured out how to let go of the largest obstacles I’ve placed in my own way?” What were those obstacles?
(49:58) Some people are consciously deceptive, that isn’t the kind chameleon we are talking about.
(50:51) What is one thing you wish more men knew?
(54.57) What is the best way to find out what you are up to?