Real Men Feel: Ep. 200, Making Peace With Porn

Making Peace With Porn Episode 200, August 25, 2020

Mindfulness counselor, Matt Sinkovitz, joins us to discuss how to cultivate healthy masculinity and free ourselves from a compulsive relationship with porn. 

“Some common signs that your relationship with porn isn’t good are depression, remorse, fear, anxiety, regret, hiding their porn use…” ~ Matt Sinkovitz

Every man I’ve ever met has had some level of experience with pornography, and many have an ongoing relationship with porn. For some, that relationship becomes compulsive, detrimental, and toxic. Matt Sinkovitz’s mission is helping men liberate themselves from porn addiction so they can eliminate depression, reclaim their power, and create lives worth living.

Matt is not on a crusade against porn on some moral or religious grounds. His goal is to help men who realize their porn consumption is out of control and having adverse effects on their lives. Porn addiction can devastate careers, relationships, mental health, and more.

In this episode, Matt and Andy share their experiences with porn, the warning signs that it isn’t in alignment with you, and what you can do about it. Matt coaches with a focus on mindfulness, noticing the thoughts and feelings that arise for you and helping you to find healthier ways to deal with them. Often we turn to porn, and it has nothing to do with a sexual urge. We need to become aware of those feelings we’re trying to ignore. Matt stresses the importance and power of integrity, commitments, and growth.

Topics and Questions Include:

• (2:08) Is porn just bad news for everybody?
• (2:59) Are you helping men break their bond to porn based on religious or moral grounds?
• (3:17) What are the signs that someone’s use of pornography is a problem?
• (4:32) It is much more about recognizing it in yourself, having some discomfort?
• (5:19) Do you find that watching porn is part of the all-American male image?
• (6:07) What’s your experience with porn?
• (12:12) Porn as procrastination.
• (13:23) Avoiding our feelings.
• (13:50) Is the goal for people to be porn free? 
• (15:11) Is this similar to a 12-step program?
• (17:01) How bad can this get, do you know of men losing relationships and jobs due to porn?
• (18:06) Has technology and the ease of access to porn made it more problematic?
• (21:20) What does porn do to our brain?
• (24:51) Any idea if the age a male starts viewing porn relates to how likely it will become an issue for him?
• (27:04) Is porn abstinence the same as masturbation abstinence?
• (28:09) How long does it take to break the porn habit?
• (31:21) Does some aspect of personal growth often trigger realizing there is an issue with porn?
• (35:36) When working with men to stop using porn, do you have to define what porn is?
• (37:46) How widespread a problem is porn for men?
• (39:00) Are there things people try on their own that don’t work?
• (39:54)Tell me a bit about your Making Peace with Porn Facebook group.
• (41:40) Does porn addiction affect women as well?
• (42:49) What do you recommend for a guy who thinks his porn consumption is a problem?
• (44:33) What’s the best way to reach out to you?
• (45:21) Is there anything you wish more men realized? 
• (46:48) Should porn consumers care about where their porn comes from and how it is created?

“For a lot of guys, porn is there first sexual experience, and then that is their idea of sex and intimacy. It is very powerful in forming those expectations and standards.” ~ Matt Sinkovitz

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Connect with Matt on Facebook and consider joining his group Making Peace With Porn. Or reach out via email, makingpeacewithporn@gmail.

Check out the books, Your Brain on Porn: Internet Pornography and the Emerging Science of Addiction, and Refuge Recovery: A Buddhist Path to Recovering from Addiction.

Get clear on what you want in life and what’s in your way of getting there, visit TheAndyGrant.com/talk 

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