Real Men Feel: Episode 45, The Good Men Project with guest, Michael Kasdan

Real Men Feel show

The Good Men Project, Episode 45, January 31, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by Director of Special Projects, Michael Kasdan, who shares just what the heck the Good Men Project is and how it might help you. Michael shares the background and current state of GMP, as well as some of his own journey.

Despite some Internet connection problems, we believe all the core points from Michael made it into the show.

The Good Men Project, which began as a book, is a participatory media company having the conversation that no one else is having. It is much more than an online magazine of men’s issues, it is building a community of people looking to change the world.

#RealMenFeel

Check out the GoodMenProject.com

#NotWeakJustHuman PSA

Connect with Michael on Facebook or Twitter.

Andy has become a contributing writer, see his articles.

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Real Men Feel: Episode 44, Exploring Open Relationships with guest, Deva Logan

Real Men Feel - Open Relationships

Exploring Open Relationships with Deva Logan, Episode 44, January 24, 2017

This week on Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by The Vixen Goddess, Deva Logan a Relationship, Sex and Life Enthusiast. Deva leads us for a candid, honest, and funny exploration of open relationships. Deva’s mission is to help people to transform their lives using sex and love.

The show covers what is an open relationship, sexual energy, and the fact that we all have three pussies or three dicks. Deva shares her personal journey and common reactions she encounters when people discover she is in an open relationship and gives everyone the challenge to explore open relationships for thirty days. An open relationship is about a lot more than just sex.

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Connect with Deva at Facebook.com/DevaLogan, Twitter @devathegoddess, and Instagram DevaTheGoddess

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Deva Logan

 

Uncommon Sense

the-road-less-traveledWhen I was a boy, my father didn’t take much time to talk to me about life. But on those rare occasions when he did decide to impart some “wisdom” on me, he would summon me to his presence, and give another lecture on “common sense.”

Dad’s brand of common sense wasn’t your average crop of life lessons, such as “don’t touch a hot stove” or “look both ways before you cross the street.” No, his special brand of worldly knowledge began with a reminder that I was “book smart,” not street smart. This was not a good thing, in his estimation.

Then came the pearls of wisdom, which mostly dealt with “truisms” such as “everyone is just out for themselves,” or “it’s an unfair world that makes you struggle for everything you want.”

I don’t know about you, but I couldn’t live in a world that my father envisioned, a world where it was logical and practical to be suspicious of everyone. But alas, it seems that many of us have had similar lectures from our parents or others who we admired in our youth, regarding “how the world works.”

Do you really want to be restricted by how someone else thinks the world works?

If it’s common sense to see the world as a place to be regarded with doubt and fear, I don’t want any part of it. Do you?

Uncommon Sense and Occam’s Razor

Therefore, I propose we strive for what could be called “UNCOMMON sense.”

If traditional common sense dictates a world of negativity, uncommon sense seeks out optimism, trust, and hope. But make no mistake: this is not about some warm-and-fuzzy, kumbaya, “can’t we all just get along” fluff. No, this is a matter of true practicality.

Let’s use the concept of Occam’s Razor here. Occam was a Medieval monk who famously posited that the simplest answers in life are usually the correct answers.

So, I ask you: is it more likely that other people are self-serving and conniving, constantly thinking about how to get one over on their fellow human beings? Or is it more likely that most other people are just like you: other human beings, doing the best they can in the face of life’s challenges, seeking happiness?

Does it do you any good to think most people are expending the level of energy it takes to be sneaky and sly all the time? Deception takes a lot of effort, as it drains the human spirit. It’s not sustainable.

So how likely is it that most people are vain, selfish, and actively seeking the demise of others? Yes, those types of people do exist, but they are not as prevalent as we think.

True Pragmatism

I also want to take a moment to warn you that people often disguise negativity as “pragmatism,” “practicality,” or “being a realist.” Don’t fall for this bait-and-switch tactic!

Uncommon sense is the ultimate pragmatism, because it relates to the smooth flow of society. How? Think of it this way: when we alienate others with our judgments and unthinking “truisms,” labeling them with just one or two words, we make them little more than one-dimensional things to be ridiculed and ignored. And those we push away to the fringes of society often break from the alienation.

This breakage can manifest in numerous ways, from addictions to violent outbursts and all sorts of nastiness in between. Take one of the mass shootings from the last several years: the Elliot Rodger shooting at UC Santa Barbara. His version of “common sense” blamed women, and ultimately everyone but himself, for his problems.

I’m not trying to excuse the behavior of those who harm and kill others. I believe that when someone crosses the threshold into harming others, they must be held responsible for their actions, and face strong consequences. I’m also not laying all the blame for such violence at the feet of an “uncaring” society.

But could something have been done to reduce the chance of someone like Elliot Rodger resorting to violence? I believe something might have been done, in the time leading up to his actions, to potentially steer him away from that course.

What could have been done? I believe each of us can do our part to lower the risk of alienated people lashing out, just by giving others the benefit of the doubt. Each of us, every day, needs to do more than worry and live in fear of other people.

We need to take time to value and encourage happiness among other people, even if it’s just by not giving them grief for the small, mostly imagined “infractions” we encounter during the day: the driver that cuts us off, the person in line at Starbucks talking loudly on their phone.

Be The Change You Want To See

We need to maintain perspective when it comes to what truly matters in our daily lives. Is it really worth it to make yourself feel better by flipping the bird at another driver? What is the hidden cost of even such small actions?

Remember, valuing the lives and perspectives of others doesn’t just benefit them, it benefits all of us. The person you push away today may be the person who hurts you tomorrow.

Think about what you’re telling your loved ones every day. Are you doing your part to keep the weave of society from fraying? Is your so-called common sense holding you back?

Many of us talk of being different, standing out in the crowd. If you want to be truly unique in today’s society, then be tolerant, even though the talking heads, pundits, and so-called experts are telling you to be afraid of everything and everyone.

Lead by example, be the change you want to see, and maybe we can spread some uncommon sense.

***

anthony simeoneAbout the Author
Anthony Simeone is a writer, speaker, personal development activist, and social change warrior with over two decades of experience studying the practical application of literature, philosophy, psychology, and other disciplines. The culmination of his work is the Live the Hero concept, which he offers as a “life path” for use in overcoming daily obstacles. Live the Hero combines the wisdom found in the arts and humanities with the latest discoveries related to modern neuroscience. You can contact Anthony and learn more about his work at livethehero.com.

Real Men Feel: Episode 43, Tapping Into Feminine Energy for Better Dating and Relationships

Real Men Feel

Tapping Into Your Feminine Energy For Better Dating and Relationships, Episode 43, January 17, 2017

In this episode of Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by Brandon Marshall Havener, (The Spiritual Smartass) for a fun conversation around men allowing more of their feminine side – their feelings, softness and playfulness – for improved dating and relationships. Brandon is an expert by discovering this all the hard way.

Men can tap into their feminine energy by expressing themselves and not holding any emotions in. Be willing to communicate about your emotional state, and remember that crying or being angry doesn’t make you any less of a man.
No relationshipping in your dating, and don’t stop dating in your relationships!

#RealMenFeel

Connect with Brandon at Facebook.com/OBHav

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Let us know what you thought here in the comments or shoot an email to realmenfeel@gmail.com

Real Men Feel: Episode 42, Humanizing Sexual Abuse with guest, Ben Gaddes

Real Men Feel

Humanizing Sexual Abuse with guest, Ben Gaddes, Episode 42, January 10, 2017

On the 2017 premiere of Real Men Feel, Andy Grant and Appio Hunter are joined by Ben Gaddes, M.A. for a powerful and open conversation around sexual abuse with Ben sharing his own experiences from multiple sides. Humanizing sexual abuse is not about normalizing it, but moving from seeing monsters and angels to seeing human beings on both sides.

#RealMenFeel

Learn more about Stop It Now StopItNow.org.

The This American Life episode Ben mentioned upworthy.com/this-19-year-old-pedophile-has-never-gone-near-a-child-and-he-needs-you-to-hear-his-story

Like the show on Facebook facebook.com/realmenfeelshow

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The New Year on Real Men Feel

RMF January 2017

Real Men Feel is chocked full of goodness to kick off 2017. We’ve got an eclectic mix of guests lined up for you including:

RMF #42 Tuesday 1/10/17
Humanizing Sexual Abuse with Ben Gaddes, M.A.
Monsters, Angels and the Art of Projection. We’ll be exploring sexual abuse from both the perpetrator and victim side.

RMF #43 Tuesday 1/17/17
Tapping Into Your Feminine For Better Dating
Relationship/Dating Coach, Brandon Havener Relationship Coach, aka The Spiritual Smartass, shares how men can tap into their own feminine energy for improved relationships and better dating.

RMF #44 Tuesday 1/24/17
Exploring Open Relationships with Deva Logan
Relationship, Sex & Life Enthusiast, Deva Logan joins us to discuss open relationships and other sexual taboos.

RMF #45 Tuesday 1/31/17
The Good Men Project with Michael Kasdan
Director of Special Projects, Mike Kasdan, joins us to share just what the heck the Good Men Project is and how it might help you.

#RealMenFeel

Like the show on Facebook facebook.com/realmenfeelshow

Subscribe to the Real Men Feel podcast in iTunes.

Join our private Facebook group: facebook.com/groups/realmenfeel/

Lessons from the Past Year

Last week Andy Grant and I closed out the 2016 season of Real Men Feel by talking about year-end rituals and New Year traditions. I admit that I don’t have many traditions I follow, but the ones I do I tend to follow for a time until they no longer serve me. That’s because I have a complicated relationship with the word “tradition.”

I think traditions can be both good and bad, keeping mind that I use those labels loosely. For example, I’ve experienced some wonderful family traditions that are fun and that never grow old; such as giving (and getting) new pajamas on Christmas. On the other hand, I’ve witnessed and experienced cultural traditions that hold back an entire society; traditions like discounting the contributions of individuals because of their gender or other differentiators.

By contrast, I’m rather fond of rituals. Rituals are deeply personal, and unlike traditions, which tend to become inflexible over time, rituals evolve and grow with the person. I have a year-end ritual I started a number of years ago that I continue to this day. I borrowed it from someone else, but it is now very much an echo of me and where I am in my life. The ritual I speak of is one of reflection.

If I don’t engage in the ritual by the end of the year, I make sure I do it within the first few days of the new year. This is the one time every 12 months when I take a serious look at where I’ve been so I can celebrate where I am now. As I celebrate, I think about the running themes of the year and then I write down the lessons I learned. Sometimes I share those lessons (like I’m about to do), but sometimes I keep those lessons to myself.

One of the biggest surprises from my reflections was I felt overwhelmed and disconnected for much of 2016. The reasons were unimportant, but I did learn some valuable lessons, which I went on to document. Those lessons allowed me to reconnect to the totality of who I am, and now I’m using them to live the most joyful life I can right now. Here’s what I learned and what I did:

I slowed down. The biggest lesson I learned was that I was doing (or trying to do) too much. This was especially true around late summer and early fall when I went through several major life changes, including starting a new job and moving into a new apartment. I speak often of the need to allow ourselves time to be playful and have fun, but I got so caught up in what I was doing I neglected to follow my own advice. The result was a slide into a depression the likes of which I hadn’t experienced in years. When I realized what I was doing to myself, I temporarily said NO to everything so I could slow down. I then took a step back, looked at what I was doing, and proceeded to say YES to the three things that were most important to me right now. The funny thing is that I continue to say YES to every opportunity that interests me, but I’ve learned to say, “Yes, but not yet.” I’m now committed to moving onto the next project only after another project is done.

I gave myself permission to be responsibly playful. Saying “no” now so I could say “yes” later gave me the space I needed to be responsibly playful. I define “responsibly playful” as making sure I set aside a little bit of time every day to do something that has nothing to do with my other “responsibilities.” My something can be anything from watching a show I recorded on my DVR to reading a chapter from a favorite book or building a new Lego® toy.

I stopped trying to multitask. This ties directly into me slowing down. By taking on only three active projects, and by only focusing on one project at a time, I’ve discovered that I get more done. There is an increasing body of evidence that shows our brains simply aren’t wired to handle multiple tasks simultaneously, so why fight nature? Instead, I’ve accepted that it’s easier to work WITH my brain than against it… and if you want to read a great article on the pitfalls of multitasking, go here.

I’m honoring my needs and doing what’s important to me. I’ve spent a lifetime ignoring my own needs and sacrificing things that were important to me just to make other people happy… and you know what? They still wanted more. Even though I instinctively knew that I was violating the First Principle of Joy, I felt like I couldn’t help myself. The happiness of those around me was more important than my own joy. It was only after I understood that I was approaching the subject of joy backwards that I started to take responsibility for my own happiness. In the process, I discovered the freedom to do my greatest good and the people around me wound up being happier too.

I remind myself that negative reactions are about the other person and not about me. This is an extension of #4. Have you ever dealt with a customer who, no matter what you do to make them happy, refuses be satisfied? Or perhaps you’ve dealt with a family member or a friend who has done the same thing. If you have, it helps to understand that they have their own issues they’re going through. I found that it’s easier to deal with unhappy people when I accept that I can’t think for them, nor can I live their lives for them. That’s something they have to do on their own. Once I accept that simple fact, it’s easier to remind myself that their reactions are a reflection of their thoughts and whatever it is they’re going through.

This list is by no means a complete one, but it does reflect the most important lessons from the past year. I share it with the intent of making 2017 an even better year than the last one. I also want to hold myself accountable for my continued growth and evolution. If the things I learned happen to help others, then great. But if they don’t, then that’s fine too. I’m gonna keep doing what I’m doing no matter what.


About the Author

Appio Hunter, a.k.a. The Emotion Emancipator, is a personal development coach, energy worker, author, and inspirational speaker. He holds certifications as a Happiness Champion and Infinite Possibilities Trainer.

Appio is a self-described crusader for joy. His work blends multiple disciplines to show everyone how they can embrace their personal power and experience clarity, emotional freedom, balance, inner peace, and joy every day. He is also co-host of the weekly podcast Real Men Feel along with his good friend and fellow coach Andy Grant. You can learn more about Appio at AppioHunter.com.