Where Are The Men?

This fantastic video has gone viral all over Facebook recently. Check out this call to men from Chaim Dunbar and Rare Media.

Here we are: Real Men Feel. Join us.

I am thrilled to announce that Chaim Dunbar will be appearing on the Real Men Feel show on Tuesday, August 16.

Men, do you hear the call? Where do you stand?
#WhereAreTheMen
#HereAreTheMen

Real Men Feel with Chaim Dunbar

***

About The Author
Andy GrantAndy Grant is a best-selling author, award-winning speaker, Transformational Energy Coach, Akashic Records Reader and suicide prevention activist. He holds certificates in Positive Psychology, the Enwaken Coaching System, Akashic Records, Infinite Possibilities and Reiki, as well as other leadership programs and energy work modalities.

Andy teaches workshops ranging from energy tools to ebook publishing, and is the founder of Real Men Feel, a movement encouraging men to come out of the emotional closet. He also facilitates monthly men’s groups. As a survivor of multiple suicide attempts, Andy knows how low we as human beings can feel, and he is committed to helping people realize how magnificent life is meant to be. Learn more about Andy at NavitasCoach.com

Be the Genius of Yourself

real-genius-poster

In September 1995, comedian Pat Cooper made an infamous appearance on Howard Stern’s radio show. It was another situation where Stern (purposely or not) goaded a celebrity into an argument, and the result was pure entertainment.

I clearly remember the moment during their on-air fight when Howard challenged Cooper by asking “What are you a genius of?” To which Cooper responded “I am a genius of myself.”

There’s debate on what Cooper meant by that phrase. Some think he had just spouted nonsense. Others thought he was being smug.

But my favorite theory is that Cooper believes in knowing himself, and his abilities, very well.

Wisdom from a Howard Stern broadcast? Just stick with me here.

Cooper made me think of the saying “Know Thyself.” You may have seen this phrase (also known as an aphorism) used by Greek philosopher Plato (who is perhaps slightly more famous than Pat Cooper). Plato’s gist was this: you have to understand yourself before you can understand anyone else. It’s a beautiful paradox that self-knowledge ultimately leads to other-knowledge.

This is why we, as men, have to fight against the bad habit of ignoring our mental and emotional depth. We have to commit to unlearning the stereotype of the “never-weak” male, where sensitivity and exploration of our feelings is perceived as weakness. Because avoiding internal self-improvement is the root of much of the conflict we experience in our daily lives.

When we don’t understand ourselves, how can we hope to understand others?

Guys, it’s simple: we need to stop beating ourselves up. For our own sake, and the sake of those around us.
(TWEET THIS!)

But don’t just take my word for it. You can read up on the sociological and psychological research regarding the dangers of being a stranger to yourself.

So what can you do to get to know yourself better? Start with the conscious decision to command the direction of your life.

Captaining Your Fate

If you’ve seen the movie “Invictus,” you know the quote from the William Ernest Henley poem of the same name: “I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul.”

We all want to be the master of our own fate, right? The problem is, too many of us wait for external circumstances to give us the signal that we can take charge of ourselves. We tell ourselves we’ll work to be better personally when we get the right job, the right romantic partner, the right connections.

Don’t wait for outside permission to work on yourself, because the “right time” will never come.
(TWEET THIS!)

We often become frustrated when the world around us seems to thwart our plans. But if we focus on what we can control – our inner world – we can learn to react calmly and effectively to external forces we can’t control (especially other people).

So, inner-mastery should be a priority in our lives. That’s the foundation for outer-mastery. But what can we master within ourselves?

Primarily, it’s important to choose how you will react to any circumstance life brings your way.

We often cannot change the situations we find ourselves in, but we can change our reactions to those situations. It takes mindfulness and practice, but the change can be made.

The better you know your own human condition, the more tolerance you’ll have for the seemingly random events of circumstance as well as the actions of others. You’ll also develop the emotional resilience to rebound when things don’t go your way.

Remember that everyone on this planet is on a path of struggle and growth, just like you. Whether you realize it or not, your actions can seem just as random and confusion to other people. Very often, the misunderstandings we encounter in life are the result of miscommunication and the bad habit of assuming too much. This is why it’s important to simply talk to other people, and to stop believing you know what other people are thinking.

So here’s my challenge to you: make the decision today to be the genius of yourself!

***

If you liked this post, please leave a comment and share it with others!

anthony simeoneAbout the Author
Anthony Simeone is a writer, speaker, personal development activist, and social change warrior with over two decades of experience studying the practical application of literature, philosophy, psychology, and other disciplines. The culmination of his work is the Live the Hero concept, which he offers as a life path for use in overcoming life’s daily obstacles. Live the Hero combines the wisdom found in the arts and humanities with the latest discoveries related to modern neuroscience.

You can contact Anthony and learn more about his work at livethehero.com.

Real Men Feel: Ep. 18, Allow Life to Guide You with Luc Watelet

Real Men Feel

Allowing Life to Guide You with guest, Luc Watelet, Episode 18, July 5, 2016

Luc Watelet is a psychotherapist and yoga teacher who calls himself a midwife of the inner world. Despite a spotty internet connection, Luc shares with Andy and Appio his journey of being guided by life, and how the expression of confusion over who we are comes out as anxiety and depression. Diagnoses are symptoms of disconnection.
Learn more about Luc at www.innerwearth.com/. #RealMenFeel

Post show comment from Luc: “If you watched this, there is a question about fate I did not answer well because I did not get where it was coming from. I just don’t think that way. I think it came from taking about allowing life to guide you. I don’t think guidance is external to us. I don’t think of myself separate from life. So when I talk about guidance I am not talking about fate. I am talking about my soul having an agenda and attacking the right experiences to itself. So even though I had abandoned the idea of being a therapist it still came to me and in a way I did not expect. That was the point I was trying to make. So even though I touched on that, it may not come across like I explain it here. This is an aspect of the Law of Attraction that I don’t hear about because we usually talk about attracting something consciously. We forget the soul can attract what it needs as well!”

Like the show on Facebook facebook.com/realmenfeelshow

Subscribe to the Real Men Feel podcast in iTunes.

Join our private Facebook group: facebook.com/groups/realmenfeel/

Like to watch? View this episode on YouTube.

Enjoy Real Men Feel on Stitcher.

Listen to the podcast on Google Play.

Let us know what you thought here in the comments or shoot an email to realmenfeel@gmail.com

In 999 Words: (Rightfully) Angry Birds

It was sometime in November when I got the call. My Mom’s friend, Kerri, contacted me at work to propose we join forces to buy my Mom a couple of birds for Christmas. Apparently Mom loved Kerri’s birds, so why not?

Kerri said she would supply the birds if I purchased their cage. I was in my early 20s then, and I knew this was a bad idea. I knew that taking tiny creatures meant to fly and trapping them inside a prison for human amusement was wrong; in fact, it made me feel anxious and sick inside. And I seemed to know it would be especially wrong to place those imprisoned, tiny creatures in the care of my Mom.

See, my Mom does not know how to bestow unconditional love. I’m not saying she can’t love or doesn’t love, or is a bad person, but hers doesn’t make you go, “Alright, this love is solid, no matter what!” It’s the sort of love that feels, from a sensitive child’s perspective at least, dependent on not pissing her off, either through bad judgement or for simply being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

My Mom knows judgement, anger, yelling, screaming and withdrawing love. She knows hitting. That’s how she was to me growing up, and that’s how she was with our long-gone family dog, Precious. My Mom knows “I don’t like this” and then reacts accordingly. She does not know “I don’t like this but I will let things be.” Please, God, don’t let these birds be chirpy. Don’t let this turn out how I think it’s going to turn out.

I went along with Kerri’s plan to get the birds, because who was I to say this was a bad idea? Maybe it was a good idea that just felt wrong to me. In any event, with my purchase of a small, metal-barred cage from Walmart, I was now an accomplice. Kerri brought two fragile, innocent white birds to their new home on Christmas Day.

The birds took up residence in a corner of the basement. At first, Mom was able to overlook and forgive their incessant chirping. I think we all presumed that once the birds were “house trained,” they would behave in accordance with how their human captors demanded. Surely they wouldn’t be this annoying forever.

But as the weeks and months went on, it became apparent that the birds were not going to shut up just because Mom (or me, I admit) wanted them to. They had already been denied the right to fly around, save for the tiny wing flap required to jump from the feces-lined floor of their cage up to their hanging wooden swing. Now, apparently, they were expected to sit in complete silence their entire lives, too.

“Quiet!” Mom would yell after the first or second chirp while she attempted to watch TV. When the birds would inevitably not be quiet, she would hit their cage, frightening them. When the fear wore off and they would chirp some more, they would be sworn at or threatened. Yep, that’s right, threatened. This was their life now. They never learned to be quiet. Mom never learned not to be an evil bitch towards them when she didn’t get her way.

We would regularly spot tiny eggs in the bottom of the birds’ cage, beside their dried drops of white feces. Bird owners know that part of the deal is stealing their eggs so you don’t end up with more birds. But when my Mom would do this, it felt particularly vile. It was like the final brutalization of those innocent little creatures Every goddamn thing they were meant to do; fly, sing and procreate, was taken from them. All for human convenience, without a smidgeon of love sent to them in return. We humans didn’t even draw entertainment value out of the experience, because how much fun is it to watch sad little birds not fly and not sing?

I was still living at home at that time. The sorry existence of those birds hurt me more than I was ever willing to let myself feel. I’m sure part of me felt even worse knowing I had contributed to creating their pathetic lives of captivity and intimidation. I should have just told Kerri it was a bad idea and bought Mom some slippers instead.

I too was guilty of mistreating the birds. When I would watch TV and they would chirp, I would reach into my pocket and fling a coin at their cage just to shut them up. Because, you know, my enjoying some mundane show was more important than a bird’s entitlement to simply be a bird. Coins never worked, however, so I would then opt for the more humane tact of placing the cage in the distant rec room. In the rec room, no one can hear you chirp.

One day, one of the birds was found dead at the bottom of the cage, beside its feces. It wasn’t all that surprising. What exactly does a bird that can’t fly, can’t sing and can’t make babies, and which is constantly harassed and even threatened while trying to make the best of its confined space, have to live for? They say if you’re not growing, you’re dying, and those birds must have been slowly dying inside since their arrival at our home. When the second bird later died, the cage was summarily cleaned and stashed away, never to be seen again. No one missed the birds, and the birds sure as hell didn’t miss us.

A decade or so later, as an awakening empath, I have been thinking about those birds. I have thought about just how painful it was for me to watch and hear their plight, how painful it was to see my Mom be so mean to creatures so innocent.

I love my Mom, but I just don’t understand meanness, or why anyone has pet birds.